We make our choices, live with the consequences, and embrace the lessons learned. I, myself, being an adult with ADHD cannot comprehend the very phrase I just ‘coined’. On the intellectual level where I “cruise”, there are emotional issues we deal with, almost always ALONE and ALWAYS MISUNDERSTOOD, (…we scream the wrong words, hence, we sabotage our OWN plight for a ‘cure’, [in ways that we JUST CAN’T EXPLAIN]). Wait! WAit! WAIt! WAIT! “Plight for a ‘cure'”? A cure for what? Ummm,
Hell-the-fuck Oh? (👋🏻) We’re NOT sick, or ill, in any way, shape, or form! We are entered into this world hardwired for a civilization long-lost…. We are ‘hunters’ in a world where ‘gathering’ has taken over! It’s actually very sad, that people like me are dying emotional deaths on a daily basis. 😭 I’m about to get REAL, very, very real… I ALONE, meaning, I conjured up the preceding list of things I longed to do, or did, WITHOUT ANY HELP, (professional or other)…. You’re in for a ride…
1. Overcame 27 yrs of undiagnosed ADHD
2. Recognized my own differences in thought process at 7 y/o
3. Asked for a Drs appt at 10 y/o, to figure out my issues. –to no avail.
4. Survived a horrendously traumatic experience at 4 y/o
5. Had a miscarriage at 16 y/o
6. Survived several physically abusive relationships. My physical scars are proof of my unsuccessful attempts to find someone to loke me for ME!
7. Six sons, several fathers, a stack of paperwork on each of them that’s nearly three feet high!
8. Medicine IS my passion, NOT nursing…. Medicine. As in D.O. at the end of my name!!😊😊😁😁 Received the “official ” MCAT study guide and practice tests, as a gift from my “D” when I got accepted into the University of Michigan, in Flint’s, College of Arts and Sciences. I was to be majoring in Biology and minor in Poly-Sci (my other interest). My goal? Michigan State College of Osteopathic Medicine.🤓
9. Got bored one week before my first semester and enlisted in the United States Navy Reserve.
Ooh… This is getting looong. Please keep reading, it gets better…☺
Let’s pick up where we left off…
10. Was extremely sexually harassed by my recruiting officer, I mean, he didn’t whip out his actual penis, but the concrete mold of it, that was proudly waved in my face, was gross enough. Moments later, I was escorted into the office of Master Chief #$& (protecting innocent parties) where I was expected to maintain military-precise composure while I verbally gave my life, (and DNA), to the US Government.👨✈👩✈
11. Hooked-up w my Dr. (in his office, I was being “seen” for allergies).👨⚕
12. Spent over 1/3 of my life as an “entertainer”, of the dancing sort.💋
13. Overcame alcohol addiction by counseling MYSELF in front of my bedroom mirror. 🙎
14. Beat a drug addiction that, on average, has a 80% fail rate, without the help of intensive treatment and therapy.👍🏻
15. Acquired 3 medical certifications, all of which, were ‘un-fulfilling’ to me.
a) CNA, b) MA (CMA/RMA), c)Phleb.
…blah, blah, blah😔
16. Buried both my parents.😭
17. 3 marriages❤💔❤💔❤ 😕😕Seriously, this is definitely tiring…I’m drained.
So, now you know. I always say, “Love me or leave me”. I can’t change who I am, a HUNTER in a society so catered to satisfying every whim of the GATHERER, that MY thought process appears strange. My brain is wired to comprehend, execute, and sustain ancient civilizations. I was born to make fantastic breakthroughs! ALL of the GREAT things humans are… is because of the people who were blessed enough to be born ADHD. We are the creators of the world we live in, though we take no responsibility for the demise of modern civilization.
It is so nice to be able to focus on what I choose to, not what my mind wants to. My mind would like to be all over the place, but not today. Today I took the medicine that makes the ADD go away. Literally, for the next few hours, I get to be as ‘normal’ as any non-ADDer. That is the only reason I can write right now.
It is also so nice to actually engage in conversation with my husband. He can yap and yap and yap, and I will catch every word. Usually, I cannot focus long enough to chat, let alone, listen to my husbands looooong stories. Today is a good day for me. Enjoy yours!
Hello readers! It has definitely been a while since I’ve written. Getting my brain to focus on a post has been quite difficult lately. ADHD is to blame, it’s both a blessing and a curse!
This is not exactly ADHD related, but if you are a MOM raising only boys…. You need to read this! It was written by an admin in a fb group I belong to, exclusively for “boy moms”! I, myself, have 6 sons!
We are hard on ourselves and struggle often to raise these little male humans, obviously… Moms are not boys.
Again, this was not written by me! I just had to share! Enjoy!
What Does It Mean To Be A BOYMOM?
Everytime I read an article or social media post about what it is like to be a boymom I see a comment about how raising girls is exactly the same & just as hard as raising boys. Usually, the comment is made by a mother who doesn’t have any sons & I have to smile & shake my head because I know that she doesn’t understand. She can’t understand. She probably thinks that the term Boymom is simply a way to perpetuate gender stereotypes, a way to laugh off the boys will be boys culture, & a way to make moms with sons feel superior because they gave birth to the golden children that have penises.
This can’t be further from the truth!
Boymoms know that there are many similarities between boys & girls. Girls can make messes & eat mud pies & boys can like to paint their toe nails & sleep with baby dolls. Girls can be obsessed with dinosaurs & boys can love to bake cupcakes. I have seen the #boymom & #lifewithboys tag used for everything from pee on the bathroom floor to a picture of a toddler boy who got into his mother’s makeup & put it on his face so he could be like mommy.
Boymoms are proud of our boys & each & everyone of them is different & unique in their own special ways.
But the truth is that raising boys comes with one huge difference from raising girls. A boymom is tasked with raising a child who she will never fully be able to relate to. We try our bests to give them all of the love & support they need & our goal is to raise them to be good men, but there are many instances in their lives when we are blindly guiding them through things that we have no experience with. Things we don’t fully even understand. I frequently compare it to living in a foreign country when you don’t speak the language. This is what makes being a boymom somewhat more difficult of an experience than raising girls.
It starts when they are toddlers & begin to explore their bodies. Boymoms are left wondering just exactly why little boys become so obsessed with playing with their penis & balls. We don’t see our friends daughters sitting in church with their fingers in their vaginas, but little Timmy has to be reminded eight times to keep his hands out of his pants.
Potty training is also a different experience with boys. Females have it pretty easy. We sit, push, stuff comes out, we wipe, & we are done. Boys have to worry about things like aim, spray, & volume. This is a challenge that seems to plague even the best of them their entire lives. Boymoms actually have to teach their sons to use body parts they have never had to use themselves.
As boys get older being a boymom gets more challenging. As women we could easily teach a preteen daughter about her period & sympathize with her when she gets bad cramps. However, as women we don’t know what it is like to have surges of testosterone running through our body. We have never had to worry about our voice cracking while reading out loud in class & we don’t know what it feels like to get a random erection in front of the entire school during a talent show. Despite our inability to relate we still have to help our sons through puberty.
Than our teenage sons start to be told to ‘act like a man’. Boymoms have never had to ‘act like a man’ because we are women. There are so many conflicting messages in the world about what it means to be a ‘man’ so again we have to help guide them through something outside our realm of experience. We have to teach our sons that they are bigger & stronger than women, including their own mom, & therefore must act as protectors instead of aggressors. This is something mothers of girls will never have to worry about.
These are just a few examples. There are many experiences during adolescence & adulthood that are biologically different for males than for females.
This is why we identify as boymoms. This is why we write articles & social media posts. This is why we come together as a community to discuss our experiences. Why we lean on each other for advice. Why we assure each other that things our sons do that seem wierd to us are normal.
We can’t always reach out to our friends & family that are raising girls or who only raised girls because they don’t know how it feels. We can’t always get comfort from the men in our lives because they also don’t 100% understand what we are going through. Parenting boys isn’t as hard for them as it is for us because they know what their sons are experiencing because they were once young boys too.
So we label ourselves as boymoms & we find our squad. The other women who understand. The ones who offer support with out judgement.
So mothers of girls, when you see a mom caption her picture #boymom or a mom who has a cute shirt on that identifies her as a ‘mom of boys’ know that she uses that caption or wears that shirt because she is proud of her sons & she is proud to be a part of the community of women who are raising their boys together. Allowing her to acknowledge that her experience as a mother is different than yours in no way diminishes your own experiences. You are a bad ass mom too & raising girls can be extremely challenging as well, but it is different than raising boys & it is ok for both boymoms & mothers of girls to acknowledge those differences.
Boys & girls are equal but they are not exactly the same. #lifewithboys
This is a response, to a reply on a Reddit post about ADHD, that I wrote…
Bless your heart, you have struggled long enough. I hear you, loud and clear, when you say that you are broke financially and emotionally. I completely understand about all the “what if’s”. I’m no different than you. At this very moment, I believe my bank account holds $1.76!! I am struggling to pay for real estate classes that start next week, and I have NO CLUE where the money is going to come from! I have such BIG HOPES AND DREAMS, am I going to GIVE UP, yet AGAIN, just because I can’t come up with 300 bucks???
… HELL NO!
NOT THIS TIME!!
But, in all actuality, it’s not about the money. It’s about the mindset. If you lack determination and drive, you will struggle. Most people, like us, just don’t have the drive. I sure didn’t! And I’m not even 100% sure if I’ve got it now, but I am NOT giving myself the option of giving up.
A couple of weeks ago, I did some serious soul searching. (I do this on a daily basis, lol, don’t we all!?) The conversation in my head began the same as it always does…” I suck, my life is going NOWHERE, I’m broke, something has to change, I can’t go on, this time will be different,…” I almost couldn’t even continue the conversation…… It was the SAME thing I’d been telling myself for years and I hadn’t listened to myself before, why should I now????
Here is where it gets real. Instead of talking to myself, I decided to take a good look at myself. I briefly glanced at my unproductive past, filled with dissapointments, failures, and damaged relationships. I, then, tried to focus on my future…..What future??? I could only see MORE failures ahead. I started thinking about the PEOPLE in my life that I had let down. My children, who at this time, had/have NO real role model in their lives to emulate. How on earth can I expect a positive, healthy, successful future for them, when I’m not living a successful life?? No wonder my family has alienated me!! Eventually, everyone, even my precious children, will have no use for me! What the hell do I have to offer anyone? I am of absolutely no use to anyone, I am seroiusly just taking up space. I AM, IN FACT, A FAILURE! I frantically began searching for a way out of this mess of a life I’d made and quickly realized there wasn’t one!! I WAS, for the first time, TERRIFIED!
Only my death will fix this, so I seriously contemplated suicide. I believed that if I wasn’t around, my precious children would be forced to live with people that would, hopefully, push them to be the BEST they can be!! I want that for them, they deserve that!
My mind was made up, I’m going to kill myself. But, I didn’t feel good about this decision. I knew I needed to die, I just didn’t want my kids to cry for me. 😥😟😭😭😭
And, in that moment, in some crazy twist-of-fate, something inside me snapped!!!
I CAN’T LEAVE THEM! I WON’T LEAVE THEM!
What the fuck am I thinking?? ADHD strikes again…telling me to give up, cant do this, failure! OH, NO ADHD! NOT TODAY!!
I changed my whole pattern of thinking. My whole pattern of thinking HAD TO CHANGE!!! I realized that the things i was doing in my life, up to this point, WERE NOT WORKING!!! So, I began doing the OPPOSITE of everything!! …
Aaaaand, guess what???