Medicine Is Good, At Times

It is so nice to be able to focus on what I choose to, not what my mind wants to. My mind would like to be all over the place, but not today. Today I took the medicine that makes the ADD go away. Literally, for the next few hours, I get to be as ‘normal’ as any non-ADDer. That is the only reason I can write right now.

It is also so nice to actually engage in conversation with my husband. He can yap and yap and yap, and I will catch every word. Usually, I cannot focus long enough to chat, let alone, listen to my husbands looooong stories. Today is a good day for me. Enjoy yours!

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I WILL be a success with ADHD

This is a response, to a reply on a Reddit post about ADHD, that I wrote…
Bless your heart, you have struggled long enough. I hear you, loud and clear, when you say that you are broke financially and emotionally. I completely understand about all the “what if’s”. I’m no different than you. At this very moment, I believe my bank account holds $1.76!! I am struggling to pay for real estate classes that start next week, and I have NO CLUE where the money is going to come from! I have such BIG HOPES AND DREAMS, am I going to GIVE UP, yet AGAIN, just because I can’t come up with 300 bucks???
… HELL NO!
NOT THIS TIME!!
But, in all actuality, it’s not about the money. It’s about the mindset. If you lack determination and drive, you will struggle. Most people, like us, just don’t have the drive. I sure didn’t! And I’m not even 100% sure if I’ve got it now, but I am NOT giving myself the option of giving up.
A couple of weeks ago, I did some serious soul searching. (I do this on a daily basis, lol, don’t we all!?) The conversation in my head began the same as it always does…” I suck, my life is going NOWHERE, I’m broke, something has to change, I can’t go on, this time will be different,…” I almost couldn’t even continue the conversation…… It was the SAME thing I’d been telling myself for years and I hadn’t listened to myself before, why should I now????
Here is where it gets real. Instead of talking to myself, I decided to take a good look at myself. I briefly glanced at my unproductive past, filled with dissapointments, failures, and damaged relationships. I, then, tried to focus on my future…..What future??? I could only see MORE failures ahead. I started thinking about the PEOPLE in my life that I had let down. My children, who at this time, had/have NO real role model in their lives to emulate. How on earth can I expect a positive, healthy, successful future for them, when I’m not living a successful life?? No wonder my family has alienated me!! Eventually, everyone, even my precious children, will have no use for me! What the hell do I have to offer anyone? I am of absolutely no use to anyone, I am seroiusly just taking up space. I AM, IN FACT, A FAILURE! I frantically began searching for a way out of this mess of a life I’d made and quickly realized there wasn’t one!! I WAS, for the first time, TERRIFIED!
Only my death will fix this, so I seriously contemplated suicide. I believed that if I wasn’t around, my precious children would be forced to live with people that would, hopefully, push them to be the BEST they can be!! I want that for them, they deserve that!
My mind was made up, I’m going to kill myself. But, I didn’t feel good about this decision. I knew I needed to die, I just didn’t want my kids to cry for me. 😥😟😭😭😭
And, in that moment, in some crazy twist-of-fate, something inside me snapped!!!
I CAN’T LEAVE THEM! I WON’T LEAVE THEM!
What the fuck am I thinking?? ADHD strikes again…telling me to give up, cant do this, failure! OH, NO ADHD! NOT TODAY!!
I changed my whole pattern of thinking. My whole pattern of thinking HAD TO CHANGE!!! I realized that the things i was doing in my life, up to this point, WERE NOT WORKING!!! So, I began doing the OPPOSITE of everything!! …
Aaaaand, guess what???
It’s WORKING!

Depressing Diagnosis

After my dx, I pretty much became an alcoholic! I was so relieved to finally know that I had a disorder, and that I wasn’t just a complete failure at life!! But I quickly spiralled into a depression bc I realized that my ADHD was never gonna go away, that I was never gonna be a productive part of society! That I was forever gonna be just a walking collection of symptoms!! That I was never gonna get that Bachelors degree, never gonna have a real career, never gonna get a fair shot at success bc I am NOT and NEVER gonna be “normal”!
Life is better now though! I embrace my ADHD dx. I have accepted the fact that I am a hunter in a gatherers world. Learned to love myself, just as I am.❤. After all, what other choice do we have??

My Consistent Inconsistencies

The one thing I can say that I truly hate about my ADD is my total inability to be consistent.  I start off like a firecracker then fizzle out just as fast.  With everything! I can’t stand it!  I’ll be so productive for a few days or so then, PFFFTTT! I’m done, not interested anymore, on to something else.  The one thing that I really am trying to be is consistent with this blog and my writing.  Tough stuff.  Especially when you really just don’t have it in you to write.  Usually, though, if I start typing, I’ll get on a roll, and before I know it, I’ve cranked out a post. Kinda like this one.  Thank you for putting up with my mundane babblings, readers, cause you never know when a stroke of brilliance will emerge.  Um, not today.  God Bless & Much Love

July 10, 2018

Hey Readers!  I’m back!  I’m sorry it has been so long since I’ve written.  A lot has happened in my little world since my last post.  And a lot is going on currently.  I’ve finally maxed out on my dose of ADHD medicine, and it still isn’t lasting long enough.  Time to move on to something different.  And with everything going on, I really could use more focus!

I’ve been very pleased to see that my adult ADD (ADHD) Facebook page is growing at a steady rate.  It’s getting the word out there about mental illness and adult ADHD, in particular.  You can visit my page by clicking the link…  MyAdultADDPage

Those of us with these ‘invisible’ issues tend to be the most isolated.  We think that we are all alone and no one understands what we’re going through.  Just because we don’t look sick, we’re treated as such.  That’s just not fair.     “It’s all in your head”, they say. “Why can’t you just snap out of it”, they ask. “Get your shit together”, they scold.    That’s like demanding that a paraplegic get up from his wheelchair and miraculously walk!  It’s just NOT gonna happen.  Mental illness is a combination of biological and psychological factors.  Chemical imbalances and non-existent neuro pathways cause chaos in the brain.  Chaos that some folks live with on a day to day basis because they go undiagnosed.  Diagnosis is key.  Awareness is everything.  Medication and therapy can help.

Sorry, for a moment there I thought I was writing on my page. lol  Forgot where I was.  See, right there, perfect example…  ADHD at it’s finest, forgot where I was on the internet!  I’m done. lol

Living Disabled, No Living Mis-labled

Day in and day out with a disorder takes it’s toll on a person. Always trying to conform-to-the-norm, is a fruitless effort.  I’d rather just be me, without the label, without the description of a person that I don’t want to be; Lazy, unmotivated, lack of discipline, stupid, crazy, too emotional, unstable, forgetful, uncaring. I’m sick of all the lables. I’m ashamed of the way I am. I cannot help my disorder, no one with ADHD actually wants it, we just learn to cope, and hope everyday that we’ll be able to overcome just one more time. We must keep the fascade of normalcy ever present especially if we could ever hope to function reasonably in this disfunctional world. 

We ADHDers need positive lables; creative, fun, energetic, problem-solver, multitasker, go-getter, enthusiastic,…  We need to feel accepted  and important to you. The wrong label put on someone who is silently suffering is devastating. ADHD is a disability, not an inability. 

Kindness Matters

If you’re in a crappy mood, keep it to yourself. Don’t be the dark cloud  over everyones sunshine!  Attempt to shed some of your bad attitude by feeling the warmth of someone close. Quit pushing them away or away they’ll stay.  Be nice even if you don’t feel like it, kindness is contagious.   And always remember the golden rule! Treat people with kindness and warmth. Respect is earned, be fair. And, above all, never judge anyone, your opinion is not their fate! 

Just Love Em

I don’t know how any one could get angry with an ADHD child or aduld for just being who they are; hyper (energetic), talks too much (enthusiastic), doesn’t listen (actually trying very hard to), unfocused (duh), never finishes anything (multi-tasking is hard), dumb (actually brilliant if we are taught how we learn). We just need some patients and understanding.

Gotta love ADHDers of all ages, we’re just so much fun to be around. 

Hello Readers, I’m Still Here 

…even though I’m inconsistent as hell, I still seem get something down in this blog every now and then. A few new developments have arose since the last time I wrote; first of all, I’m seeking a new diagnosis. I truly believe there is more to me than meets the eye. My ADHD is a constant struggle, but I have other issues I haven’t dealt with in a healthy manner. Secondly, my third eldest son (he just turned 17) had been diagnosed with ADHD. That makes 2 of my 6 sons, so far,  to be “just like mommy”. Much to their fathers’ dispair, I’m  sure. Lol

All in all,  things are peachy! 

Love to all… 

BPD And Me? 

I have been doing a lot of self evaluating lately resulting from another huge mistake made by me. Mistakes are common in the life of an ADDer, but the risky behaviors I display are not. Oh, don’t get me wrong, my diagnosis of ADHD is accurate, bit I truly believe there is something more.

Due to my traumatic childhood and my inability to communicate my feelings accurately, I think I may be struggling with BPD.  I will be seeking a professional dx next week.

Thanks for reading, God bless!