It is so nice to be able to focus on what I choose to, not what my mind wants to. My mind would like to be all over the place, but not today. Today I took the medicine that makes the ADD go away. Literally, for the next few hours, I get to be as ‘normal’ as any non-ADDer. That is the only reason I can write right now.
It is also so nice to actually engage in conversation with my husband. He can yap and yap and yap, and I will catch every word. Usually, I cannot focus long enough to chat, let alone, listen to my husbands looooong stories. Today is a good day for me. Enjoy yours!
I am the face of adult ADHD. I am defined by my diagnosis. My whole personality and outlook comes from an exhausting list of symptoms and shortcomings. ADHD is funny like that, the symptom list describes sufferers to a tee. I’m not nice, thoughtful, and caring; instead, I’m disorganized, impulsive, and inattentive.
Why does it have to be this way? Is it that I really am just a walking disorder? Too many times I’ve tried to be “better”, I just can’t. This is me, a tangled up mess of issues and complications. Quirky and funny at times, but always anxious about “blowing it” in front of people. I try to hide my ADHD, try to pay attention when someone is talking, and try to be a good friend. It just doesn’t work out for me. My inability to stay focused has ruined a lot, of what could have been, good friendships. I like people, I’m just not well liked in return. Breaks my heart and causes me great angst.
I want to be defined for who I am, not for my disability.
No matter how I want to, I’m just having a hard time keeping up with this blog. I guess writing is not my passion. I would like to be able to at least jot down something worthy of reading at least once a week. That is it, my new goal, to blog here at least once a week. I will treat this as more of a journal, not like my life is at all interesting enough to read about, but it will be a challenge to keep this goal. Seems easy for most people, but for someone with my ADHD brain, consistency and completing tasks and goals are VERY difficult. Wish me luck. I’m feeling kind of “wrighty”, possibly another post or two before next week. Lol
I am trying my best to be able to focus on, and write something interesting, but my thoughts flee me. The channels keep changing in my brain and every thought seems so superficial. I need more deep stimulating conversation and thoughts. I will be back on track soon. Bear with me. Oh, if you have any questions about adult adhd and/or living with it, leave me a question or reply in the comments. Thank you and have a great evening!