After my dx, I pretty much became an alcoholic! I was so relieved to finally know that I had a disorder, and that I wasn’t just a complete failure at life!! But I quickly spiralled into a depression bc I realized that my ADHD was never gonna go away, that I was never gonna be a productive part of society! That I was forever gonna be just a walking collection of symptoms!! That I was never gonna get that Bachelors degree, never gonna have a real career, never gonna get a fair shot at success bc I am NOT and NEVER gonna be “normal”!
Life is better now though! I embrace my ADHD dx. I have accepted the fact that I am a hunter in a gatherers world. Learned to love myself, just as I am.❤. After all, what other choice do we have??
If you go to a psychiatrist with true ADHD symptoms, a diagnosis should come within minutes. It should only take a professional mere moments to distinguish ADHD behaviors from those just being lazy or drug seeking. I’ve heard, in some places, it takes MONTHS for a diagnosis! WHAT!!! MONTHS!!! That’s crazy! What the hell kind of ADHD assessment takes months? If you are struggling and awaiting a diagnosis, I am truly sorry for your situation. I was diagnosed in minutes and on meds the SAME DAY!! truly life changing.
…even though I’m inconsistent as hell, I still seem get something down in this blog every now and then. A few new developments have arose since the last time I wrote; first of all, I’m seeking a new diagnosis. I truly believe there is more to me than meets the eye. My ADHD is a constant struggle, but I have other issues I haven’t dealt with in a healthy manner. Secondly, my third eldest son (he just turned 17) had been diagnosed with ADHD. That makes 2 of my 6 sons, so far, to be “just like mommy”. Much to their fathers’ dispair, I’m sure. Lol
I have been doing a lot of self evaluating lately resulting from another huge mistake made by me. Mistakes are common in the life of an ADDer, but the risky behaviors I display are not. Oh, don’t get me wrong, my diagnosis of ADHD is accurate, bit I truly believe there is something more.
Due to my traumatic childhood and my inability to communicate my feelings accurately, I think I may be struggling with BPD. I will be seeking a professional dx next week.
I am the face of adult ADHD. I am defined by my diagnosis. My whole personality and outlook comes from an exhausting list of symptoms and shortcomings. ADHD is funny like that, the symptom list describes sufferers to a tee. I’m not nice, thoughtful, and caring; instead, I’m disorganized, impulsive, and inattentive.
Why does it have to be this way? Is it that I really am just a walking disorder? Too many times I’ve tried to be “better”, I just can’t. This is me, a tangled up mess of issues and complications. Quirky and funny at times, but always anxious about “blowing it” in front of people. I try to hide my ADHD, try to pay attention when someone is talking, and try to be a good friend. It just doesn’t work out for me. My inability to stay focused has ruined a lot, of what could have been, good friendships. I like people, I’m just not well liked in return. Breaks my heart and causes me great angst.
I want to be defined for who I am, not for my disability.
Finally getting an accurate diagnosis of adult add at 27 years old was a welcomed blessing; I finally had a name for my seemingly impossible persona. To say my life was a little crazy would be an understatement; I bounced around like a high-flying superball. I am a literal poster-child for this disorder. After my diagnosis, I tried to learn everything I could about ADD, so I could have a better understanding of how I ticked.
Revealing my diagnosis to those closest to me was actually pretty devastating. No one was surprised, they reacted as if they had known all along; I honestly felt like the but of some kind of cruel joke. If my issues were so obvious, than why didn’t someone, at some point in my life, suggest that I seek a diagnosis of some sort! It seems they all just sat back and watched me make mistake after mistake, bad decision after bad decision; and come completely unravelled by the age of 27. I had been drowning in my own self-created ocean of disappointment and failure, totally aware, yet to weak to pull myself ashore. Why wasn’t I thrown a lifeline? Was my life not worth saving; or was it just easier for people to watch me struggle.
I still struggle today with that realization. Where do I find self-worth when those I loved found me so unworthy. Posted from WordPress for Android