Something To Do

2018 is almost over. Literally, three more days, or chances, to end the year on a positive note. Needless to say, this year has been emotionally straining on me. Its not that I was so busy, its not that I didn’t have time, its not that I had a better offer… It’s simply because I didn’t have purpose.

Purpose gives us something to look forward to. Purpose gives us a reason to get out of bed. Purpose gives life meaning. Just as 2+2=4, purpose+effort=REASON. Reason to get out bed each morning. Reason to put in the effort. Reason to LIVE! We all NEED and LONG for a purpose in life. Without purpose, effort is needless. Without purpose, getting out of bed takes great effort. Without purpose, life doesn’t have much meaning.

For almost a decade, my purpose in life was unclear. I have struggled and searched, tirelessly, for a reason to exist. Sure, I have children, and they give me plenty of reasons to roll out of bed each day, but…..I want MORE! I long for something, anything, to give me a real sense of fulfillment. I know that I need to set a good, no, great, example for my sons. They need to learn self-respect, honesty, and a good work ethic. Who but me, is responsible for teaching them this? …Exactly!

It all started with a trip to Kohl’s for some early Christmas shopping. While in the store, I saw several “now hiring” signs. Hmmmmm…. After a couple of online applications, and one unsuccessful interview under my belt, I was slightly discouraged. Giving up was not an option, I pressed on with a few more job applications. Early one morning, during the first week in December, I got the call that would open doors for me that I never even knew were there. The call I received that day, brought me to tears. I was hired, on the spot, by a highly recognized department store! At that moment, I realized that I had a choice to make; I either grab this opportunity by the horns and “go for it” or, I cower in fear, like I usually do, and let this position pass me by. Not today Satan, NOT this time!!!

I eagerly accepted the position and excitedly began my training the very next day! I haven’t looked back since. A divine intervention is propelling me forward, who am I to change direction? I’m feeling completely purposeful and happy. Mornings have a whole new meaning. I have many, many reasons now for getting out of bed. I’m setting a wonderful example for my sons and my life has become worth living. I understand the value of a hard days work and I pride myself on doing my very best at work and at home.

Thank you, Kohl’s, for NOT hiring me. I have found my career elsewhere; I hope Macy’s thanks you as well.

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A Little Bit About The Man I Call “D”

Some genuine Flint history here!…

…I was looking for something else when I stumbled upon this!!!
I truly believe that my father played a part in building Flint, MI into the automobile mecca it became in the late 1960’s!

Not only my amazing “D”, but hundreds came to Flint looking to become a part of the growing automotive industry.
My dad started young and was determined not to, eventually, let “some 30 year old punk”, become his boss.
He got the education and training needed to acquire a position in the big city! aka: the D! Well, more like Warren, Mi…

…Regardless, he retired after about 30 yrs of service to GM, as a Senior tool and die design engineer. He even pioneered and patented the door handle assemblies that we’re used in the Buick models in the late 1980’s! (In the pic with the BIG BOSS, my D is receiving the first fruits of his labor)

He’d came from a very humble beginning in North Dakota, and, retired with a very comfortable life here in the Mitten! He and my step-mother spent their days traveling the world!

He was an avid golfer and had played the game on some of the most beautiful courses the US has to offer. He truly loved the game and he accomplished the ultimate…
A hole-in-one!🤫⛳👏🏼 126 yds with a 7 iron! (glass trophy pic)

He lived his life with an inspirational attitude. Always positive, yet logical with a no-nosense approach to everything.

Right-wing to the extreme, I NEVER EVER in my WHOLE LIFE saw him in anything but khakis and collared shirts. Business suits and a briefcase were the Monday-Friday attire.
He believed in helping those who helped themselves. He expected nothing less than a hard lesson from bad choices, and yet he never pointed a finger!

“Always do what’s expected AND a little bit more”.

He was always a presence in the room. His genuine, hard-working, character was something men today, should strive to emulate.
Chivalry lived strong in my father’s heart, as I, nor my step-mother, EVER touched ANY type of door handle! I once saw him remove his professionally tailored sport coat to shield a female strangers hair from getting mussed up from the rain on her way into a restaurant.
And on a funnier note…. my awesome dad even took the blame for a loud fart his wife let go, in the middle of a crowded group of tourists!

“Oops, excuse me, excuse me”, he quickly boasted, as not to embarrass her.

Who does that????

The American Dream WAS once alive and thriving here. My father’s life was a testament to that. GM served our family well, hate to see the dream die for others!

My D lost his battle with cancer just a few yrs ago, but to anyone who knew him, knew that regardless of his pain, if you asked him how he’s doing, his response was ALWAYS the same… “Nearly perfect”!

He passed away on his birthday in 2013. I suppose he didn’t want to keep us grieving any longer than necessary.
I feel honored to be his daughter! He was TRULY a great human being!

Medicine Is Good, At Times

It is so nice to be able to focus on what I choose to, not what my mind wants to. My mind would like to be all over the place, but not today. Today I took the medicine that makes the ADD go away. Literally, for the next few hours, I get to be as ‘normal’ as any non-ADDer. That is the only reason I can write right now.

It is also so nice to actually engage in conversation with my husband. He can yap and yap and yap, and I will catch every word. Usually, I cannot focus long enough to chat, let alone, listen to my husbands looooong stories. Today is a good day for me. Enjoy yours!

I’d like to introduce myself… — Everywhere But Here…

Hi! My name is Kari Taber. This is the first blog I’ve ever written. My life has been such that I’ve heard ‘you should write a book’ more times than I can count. Hmmmm…. A book, no; a blog, yes! So, here they are , my issues, all typed up and ready for you […]

via I’d like to introduce myself… — Everywhere But Here…

I WILL be a success with ADHD

This is a response, to a reply on a Reddit post about ADHD, that I wrote…
Bless your heart, you have struggled long enough. I hear you, loud and clear, when you say that you are broke financially and emotionally. I completely understand about all the “what if’s”. I’m no different than you. At this very moment, I believe my bank account holds $1.76!! I am struggling to pay for real estate classes that start next week, and I have NO CLUE where the money is going to come from! I have such BIG HOPES AND DREAMS, am I going to GIVE UP, yet AGAIN, just because I can’t come up with 300 bucks???
… HELL NO!
NOT THIS TIME!!
But, in all actuality, it’s not about the money. It’s about the mindset. If you lack determination and drive, you will struggle. Most people, like us, just don’t have the drive. I sure didn’t! And I’m not even 100% sure if I’ve got it now, but I am NOT giving myself the option of giving up.
A couple of weeks ago, I did some serious soul searching. (I do this on a daily basis, lol, don’t we all!?) The conversation in my head began the same as it always does…” I suck, my life is going NOWHERE, I’m broke, something has to change, I can’t go on, this time will be different,…” I almost couldn’t even continue the conversation…… It was the SAME thing I’d been telling myself for years and I hadn’t listened to myself before, why should I now????
Here is where it gets real. Instead of talking to myself, I decided to take a good look at myself. I briefly glanced at my unproductive past, filled with dissapointments, failures, and damaged relationships. I, then, tried to focus on my future…..What future??? I could only see MORE failures ahead. I started thinking about the PEOPLE in my life that I had let down. My children, who at this time, had/have NO real role model in their lives to emulate. How on earth can I expect a positive, healthy, successful future for them, when I’m not living a successful life?? No wonder my family has alienated me!! Eventually, everyone, even my precious children, will have no use for me! What the hell do I have to offer anyone? I am of absolutely no use to anyone, I am seroiusly just taking up space. I AM, IN FACT, A FAILURE! I frantically began searching for a way out of this mess of a life I’d made and quickly realized there wasn’t one!! I WAS, for the first time, TERRIFIED!
Only my death will fix this, so I seriously contemplated suicide. I believed that if I wasn’t around, my precious children would be forced to live with people that would, hopefully, push them to be the BEST they can be!! I want that for them, they deserve that!
My mind was made up, I’m going to kill myself. But, I didn’t feel good about this decision. I knew I needed to die, I just didn’t want my kids to cry for me. 😥😟😭😭😭
And, in that moment, in some crazy twist-of-fate, something inside me snapped!!!
I CAN’T LEAVE THEM! I WON’T LEAVE THEM!
What the fuck am I thinking?? ADHD strikes again…telling me to give up, cant do this, failure! OH, NO ADHD! NOT TODAY!!
I changed my whole pattern of thinking. My whole pattern of thinking HAD TO CHANGE!!! I realized that the things i was doing in my life, up to this point, WERE NOT WORKING!!! So, I began doing the OPPOSITE of everything!! …
Aaaaand, guess what???
It’s WORKING!

WOW! What A Wait!

If you go to a psychiatrist with true ADHD symptoms, a diagnosis should come within minutes.  It should only take a professional mere moments to distinguish ADHD behaviors from those just being lazy or drug seeking.  I’ve heard, in some places, it takes MONTHS for a diagnosis!  WHAT!!! MONTHS!!!  That’s crazy! What the hell kind of ADHD assessment takes months?  If you are struggling and awaiting a diagnosis, I am truly sorry for your situation.  I was diagnosed in minutes and on meds the SAME DAY!!  truly life changing.

I’m Just Not A Writer

I wish I could just sit down and let creative ideas flow like some writers can.  I seem to have a whole path of stumbling blocks carved out right in front of me.  I want to write, sometimes I just can’t find the words. Having ADHD means that all the ideas flying around my head have no concrete topic.  A little bit of this and a little bit of that; all comes across as mumbo-jumbo.  Guess I need to go back to basics;  brainstorming, outlining, and whatever other steps that are involved to be an effective writer.

Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself to write, maybe if I’m meant to be a writer then the words will start flowing.  Maybe by the end of this post, some sheer brilliance will have come from my keyboard.  Just one stroke of genius and I could write a novel.  Regareless, I started this blog to bring awareness to the ups and downs of ADHD, and here’s one of the downs.  We cannot always put our feelings into words, at least not words that a neurotypical would understand.  And trying to write down the words isn’t always easy either.  I have to get into a ‘flow’ before I can effectively write.  And right now that ‘flow’ has flown the coop.

This has got to be one of my most disorganized posts thus far…  Lemme get my shit together and try this again later.  FOCUS!

The Only One

I haven’t written for a while. I’ve actually had a lot going on in my life to blog about, I just haven’t had the motivation.  And what is my motivation now, you wonder… I wonder too. Is it my ever-present need for validation of my feelings, or is it just my need to connect with others out there, like me, who have ADHD and feel like they are THE ONLY ONE..  The Only One to have feelings of emptiness that nothing can fill, the need to escape reality by any means necessary because that’s what you were taught.  The Only One who feels that they are totally unworthy of the love that those around them give.  The Only One who feels that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all; or that ,once again, reality is just too painful too bear.  The Only One who decides what is right and what is wrong in their life.  The Only One who is left in the dark much of the time; The Only One who thinks everything is okay amidst a world of chaos.  And The Only One who feels these feelings is me; because here, in my world, I AM THE ONLY ONE.

Kindness Matters

If you’re in a crappy mood, keep it to yourself. Don’t be the dark cloud  over everyones sunshine!  Attempt to shed some of your bad attitude by feeling the warmth of someone close. Quit pushing them away or away they’ll stay.  Be nice even if you don’t feel like it, kindness is contagious.   And always remember the golden rule! Treat people with kindness and warmth. Respect is earned, be fair. And, above all, never judge anyone, your opinion is not their fate! 

The Scales Have Tipped

…in the way that out of seven people in my house, four of us have ADHD.  That means 4 times the fun and unfocused chaos.  We really are a fun group of folks when you get two or more of us together.  The goofy jokes, that only “we” understand, the giggle fests and, unfortunately, the tears, too sometimes.  You see, we can relate to each other like no one else can; kind of like an unspoken understanding.  I call it some kind of “radar” that I have, I can usually pick out another ADDer just by talking to them for a few minutes.  I’m drawn to these people, as I hope they are drawn to me.  I believe from this understanding that we can be of emotional help to each other, support of some sort.