We make our choices, live with the consequences, and embrace the lessons learned. I, myself, being an adult with ADHD cannot comprehend the very phrase I just ‘coined’. On the intellectual level where I “cruise”, there are emotional issues we deal with, almost always ALONE and ALWAYS MISUNDERSTOOD, (…we scream the wrong words, hence, we sabotage our OWN plight for a ‘cure’, [in ways that we JUST CAN’T EXPLAIN]). Wait! WAit! WAIt! WAIT! “Plight for a ‘cure'”? A cure for what? Ummm,
Hell-the-fuck Oh? (👋🏻) We’re NOT sick, or ill, in any way, shape, or form! We are entered into this world hardwired for a civilization long-lost…. We are ‘hunters’ in a world where ‘gathering’ has taken over! It’s actually very sad, that people like me are dying emotional deaths on a daily basis. 😭 I’m about to get REAL, very, very real… I ALONE, meaning, I conjured up the preceding list of things I longed to do, or did, WITHOUT ANY HELP, (professional or other)…. You’re in for a ride…
1. Overcame 27 yrs of undiagnosed ADHD
2. Recognized my own differences in thought process at 7 y/o
3. Asked for a Drs appt at 10 y/o, to figure out my issues. –to no avail.
4. Survived a horrendously traumatic experience at 4 y/o
5. Had a miscarriage at 16 y/o
6. Survived several physically abusive relationships. My physical scars are proof of my unsuccessful attempts to find someone to loke me for ME!
7. Six sons, several fathers, a stack of paperwork on each of them that’s nearly three feet high!
8. Medicine IS my passion, NOT nursing…. Medicine. As in D.O. at the end of my name!!😊😊😁😁 Received the “official ” MCAT study guide and practice tests, as a gift from my “D” when I got accepted into the University of Michigan, in Flint’s, College of Arts and Sciences. I was to be majoring in Biology and minor in Poly-Sci (my other interest). My goal? Michigan State College of Osteopathic Medicine.🤓
9. Got bored one week before my first semester and enlisted in the United States Navy Reserve.
Ooh… This is getting looong. Please keep reading, it gets better…☺
Let’s pick up where we left off…
10. Was extremely sexually harassed by my recruiting officer, I mean, he didn’t whip out his actual penis, but the concrete mold of it, that was proudly waved in my face, was gross enough. Moments later, I was escorted into the office of Master Chief #$& (protecting innocent parties) where I was expected to maintain military-precise composure while I verbally gave my life, (and DNA), to the US Government.👨✈👩✈
11. Hooked-up w my Dr. (in his office, I was being “seen” for allergies).👨⚕
12. Spent over 1/3 of my life as an “entertainer”, of the dancing sort.💋
13. Overcame alcohol addiction by counseling MYSELF in front of my bedroom mirror. 🙎
14. Beat a drug addiction that, on average, has a 80% fail rate, without the help of intensive treatment and therapy.👍🏻
15. Acquired 3 medical certifications, all of which, were ‘un-fulfilling’ to me.
a) CNA, b) MA (CMA/RMA), c)Phleb.
…blah, blah, blah😔
16. Buried both my parents.😭
17. 3 marriages❤💔❤💔❤ 😕😕Seriously, this is definitely tiring…I’m drained.
So, now you know. I always say, “Love me or leave me”. I can’t change who I am, a HUNTER in a society so catered to satisfying every whim of the GATHERER, that MY thought process appears strange. My brain is wired to comprehend, execute, and sustain ancient civilizations. I was born to make fantastic breakthroughs! ALL of the GREAT things humans are… is because of the people who were blessed enough to be born ADHD. We are the creators of the world we live in, though we take no responsibility for the demise of modern civilization.
2018 is almost over. Literally, three more days, or chances, to end the year on a positive note. Needless to say, this year has been emotionally straining on me. Its not that I was so busy, its not that I didn’t have time, its not that I had a better offer… It’s simply because I didn’t have purpose.
Purpose gives us something to look forward to. Purpose gives us a reason to get out of bed. Purpose gives life meaning. Just as 2+2=4, purpose+effort=REASON. Reason to get out bed each morning. Reason to put in the effort. Reason to LIVE! We all NEED and LONG for a purpose in life. Without purpose, effort is needless. Without purpose, getting out of bed takes great effort. Without purpose, life doesn’t have much meaning.
For almost a decade, my purpose in life was unclear. I have struggled and searched, tirelessly, for a reason to exist. Sure, I have children, and they give me plenty of reasons to roll out of bed each day, but…..I want MORE! I long for something, anything, to give me a real sense of fulfillment. I know that I need to set a good, no, great, example for my sons. They need to learn self-respect, honesty, and a good work ethic. Who but me, is responsible for teaching them this? …Exactly!
It all started with a trip to Kohl’s for some early Christmas shopping. While in the store, I saw several “now hiring” signs. Hmmmmm…. After a couple of online applications, and one unsuccessful interview under my belt, I was slightly discouraged. Giving up was not an option, I pressed on with a few more job applications. Early one morning, during the first week in December, I got the call that would open doors for me that I never even knew were there. The call I received that day, brought me to tears. I was hired, on the spot, by a highly recognized department store! At that moment, I realized that I had a choice to make; I either grab this opportunity by the horns and “go for it” or, I cower in fear, like I usually do, and let this position pass me by. Not today Satan, NOT this time!!!
I eagerly accepted the position and excitedly began my training the very next day! I haven’t looked back since. A divine intervention is propelling me forward, who am I to change direction? I’m feeling completely purposeful and happy. Mornings have a whole new meaning. I have many, many reasons now for getting out of bed. I’m setting a wonderful example for my sons and my life has become worth living. I understand the value of a hard days work and I pride myself on doing my very best at work and at home.
Thank you, Kohl’s, for NOT hiring me. I have found my career elsewhere; I hope Macy’s thanks you as well.