Living Disabled, No Living Mis-labled

Day in and day out with a disorder takes it’s toll on a person. Always trying to conform-to-the-norm, is a fruitless effort.  I’d rather just be me, without the label, without the description of a person that I don’t want to be; Lazy, unmotivated, lack of discipline, stupid, crazy, too emotional, unstable, forgetful, uncaring. I’m sick of all the lables. I’m ashamed of the way I am. I cannot help my disorder, no one with ADHD actually wants it, we just learn to cope, and hope everyday that we’ll be able to overcome just one more time. We must keep the fascade of normalcy ever present especially if we could ever hope to function reasonably in this disfunctional world. 

We ADHDers need positive lables; creative, fun, energetic, problem-solver, multitasker, go-getter, enthusiastic,…  We need to feel accepted  and important to you. The wrong label put on someone who is silently suffering is devastating. ADHD is a disability, not an inability. 

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Kindness Matters

If you’re in a crappy mood, keep it to yourself. Don’t be the dark cloud  over everyones sunshine!  Attempt to shed some of your bad attitude by feeling the warmth of someone close. Quit pushing them away or away they’ll stay.  Be nice even if you don’t feel like it, kindness is contagious.   And always remember the golden rule! Treat people with kindness and warmth. Respect is earned, be fair. And, above all, never judge anyone, your opinion is not their fate! 

Just Love Em

I don’t know how any one could get angry with an ADHD child or aduld for just being who they are; hyper (energetic), talks too much (enthusiastic), doesn’t listen (actually trying very hard to), unfocused (duh), never finishes anything (multi-tasking is hard), dumb (actually brilliant if we are taught how we learn). We just need some patients and understanding.

Gotta love ADHDers of all ages, we’re just so much fun to be around. 

Hello Readers, I’m Still Here 

…even though I’m inconsistent as hell, I still seem get something down in this blog every now and then. A few new developments have arose since the last time I wrote; first of all, I’m seeking a new diagnosis. I truly believe there is more to me than meets the eye. My ADHD is a constant struggle, but I have other issues I haven’t dealt with in a healthy manner. Secondly, my third eldest son (he just turned 17) had been diagnosed with ADHD. That makes 2 of my 6 sons, so far,  to be “just like mommy”. Much to their fathers’ dispair, I’m  sure. Lol

All in all,  things are peachy! 

Love to all… 

BPD And Me? 

I have been doing a lot of self evaluating lately resulting from another huge mistake made by me. Mistakes are common in the life of an ADDer, but the risky behaviors I display are not. Oh, don’t get me wrong, my diagnosis of ADHD is accurate, bit I truly believe there is something more.

Due to my traumatic childhood and my inability to communicate my feelings accurately, I think I may be struggling with BPD.  I will be seeking a professional dx next week.

Thanks for reading, God bless!

Well Hello Stranger

I feel like I  have a love/hate relationship with this blog. I’m sorry, yet,  again, for my long absence.  But my inconsistent ways have, once again, gotten the best if me. I really do think about writing and that’s as far as it goes. 

But what I really want to thank everyone who has taken the time to visit my blog! Thank you very much! 

My Day

Hello readers!  Hope everyone is well, cause, thank goodness, I am.  I was having some bouts of extreme anxiety,  For now, the hell of it has subsided.  Plus, I have been trying to be more productive the last few days.  And even though, I’ve not gotten a lot done, I’ve accomplished some.  That makes me proud of myself, which seems to help the anxiety.  I also started using a vape pen.  I know it may not be the best thing for me but it seems to take the edge off my nerves.  Buying the JUUL was kind of an impulsive purchase but I like it.  Thanks ADHD!

I am also excited tonight as my family will be getting together with some friends we haven’t seen for a while.  A campfire, Seagram’s, and good friends! Priceless!

Writing Woes

I’ve been absent from here for a bit because I’m in a writing rut again.  I was very excited about my last post, but since then, I’m having writers block again.  So, I just thought I’d start typing and just see what comes out.  I have been really struggling with anxiety lately.  It is horrible, it reminds me of that quote that says, “depression is when you care about nothing, anxiety is where you care too much about everything, and having both is hell”.  I feel as if I am writing in a diary for everyone too see, maybe that is why it is hard for me to get my feelings out effectively.  Or maybe its because I’m misunderstood so often that I’ve decided to clam up.  Regardless, I know that it is better for me to talk and write about my feelings than to keep them bottled up. This blog should be my therapy. I should just start pouring my heart out.  If I only knew where to start…

Irrational Fears

Irrational fears cause anxiety hell for me! My greatest fear, I’m even afraid to mention… What if I speak it into existence? What if it truly kills me? The anxiety this causes is almost unbearable some days. Thank God for benzodiazepines! And we’ll just leave that right there; moving on,
I get scared if I’m too forgetful during the day! What if I  have early-onset dementia?! I get scared if my children are out of my sight for even a second! What if they’ve been kidnapped?! I freak out if I  find too much hair on my comb! What if I have alopecia?! I could go on and on…
And having ADHD makes it worse because my mind is always racing in different directions already, so I suffer several fears. Irrationally.
And the physical symptoms of fear driven anxiety are nothing short of terrifying. You literally feel as though you’re dying or going crazy or both. I have a big heart for ADHDers who suffer with this. I know what it’s like! I was once hospitalized for an anxiety attack. Not fun at all!!
You are not alone…

What It’s Really Like

This is a brilliant rendering of what having ADHD is really like. I cannot take credit for writing it, but I had to share it.

ADHD is about having broken filters on your perception.

Normal people have a sort of mental secretary that takes the 99% of irrelevant crap that crosses their mind, and simply deletes it before they become consciously aware of it. As such, their mental workspace is like a huge clean whiteboard, ready to hold and organize useful information.

ADHD people… have no such luxury. Every single thing that comes in the front door gets written directly on the whiteboard in bold, underlined red letters, no matter what it is, and no matter what has to be erased in order for it to fit.

As such, if we’re in the middle of some particularly important mental task, and our eye should happen to light upon… a doorknob, for instance, it’s like someone burst into the room, clad in pink feathers and heralded by trumpets, screaming HEY LOOK EVERYONE, IT’S A DOORKNOB! LOOK AT IT! LOOK! IT OPENS THE DOOR IF YOU TURN IT! ISN’T THAT NEAT? I WONDER HOW THAT ACTUALLY WORKS DO YOU SUPPOSE THERE’S A CAM OR WHAT? MAYBE ITS SOME KIND OF SPRING WINCH AFFAIR ALTHOUGH THAT SEEMS KIND OF UNWORKABLE.

It’s like living in a soft rain of post-it notes.

This happens every single waking moment, and we have to manually examine each thought, check for relevance, and try desperately to remember what the thing was we were thinking before it came along, if not. Most often we forget, and if we aren’t caught up in the intricacies of doorknob engineering, we cast wildly about for context, trying to guess what the hell we were up to from the clues available.

On the other hand, we’re extremely good at working out the context of random remarks, as we’re effectively doing that all the time anyway.

We rely heavily on routine, and 90% of the time get by on autopilot. You can’t get distracted from a sufficiently ingrained habit, no matter what useless crap is going on inside your head… unless someone goes and actually disrupts your routine. I’ve actually been distracted out of taking my lunch to work, on several occasions, by my wife reminding me to take my lunch to work. What the? Who? Oh, yeah, will do. Where was I? um… briefcase! Got it. Now keys.. okay, see you honey!

Also, there’s a diminishing-returns thing going on when trying to concentrate on what you might call a non-interactive task. Entering a big block of numbers into a spreadsheet, for instance. Keeping focused on the task takes exponentially more effort each minute, for less and less result. If you’ve ever held a brick out at arm’s length for an extended period, you’ll know the feeling. That’s why the internet, for instance, is like crack to us – it’s a non-stop influx of constantly-new things, so we can flick from one to the next after only seconds. Its better/worse than pistachios.

The exception to this is a thing we get called hyper focus. Occasionally, when something just clicks with us, we can get ridiculously deeply drawn into it, and NOTHING can distract us. We’ve locked our metaphorical office door, and we’re not coming out for anything short of a tornado.

Medication takes the edge off. It reduces the input, it tones down the fluster, it makes it easier to ignore trivial stuff, and it increases the maximum focus-time. Imagine steadicam for your skull. It also happens to make my vision go a little weird and loomy occasionally, and can reduce appetite a bit.

Hope this helps and please do share this so that more people can learn what its really like to have ADHD. -Unknown