We make our choices, live with the consequences, and embrace the lessons learned. I, myself, being an adult with ADHD cannot comprehend the very phrase I just ‘coined’. On the intellectual level where I “cruise”, there are emotional issues we deal with, almost always ALONE and ALWAYS MISUNDERSTOOD, (…we scream the wrong words, hence, we sabotage our OWN plight for a ‘cure’, [in ways that we JUST CAN’T EXPLAIN]). Wait! WAit! WAIt! WAIT! “Plight for a ‘cure'”? A cure for what? Ummm,
Hell-the-fuck Oh? (👋🏻) We’re NOT sick, or ill, in any way, shape, or form! We are entered into this world hardwired for a civilization long-lost…. We are ‘hunters’ in a world where ‘gathering’ has taken over! It’s actually very sad, that people like me are dying emotional deaths on a daily basis. 😭 I’m about to get REAL, very, very real… I ALONE, meaning, I conjured up the preceding list of things I longed to do, or did, WITHOUT ANY HELP, (professional or other)…. You’re in for a ride…
1. Overcame 27 yrs of undiagnosed ADHD
2. Recognized my own differences in thought process at 7 y/o
3. Asked for a Drs appt at 10 y/o, to figure out my issues. –to no avail.
4. Survived a horrendously traumatic experience at 4 y/o
5. Had a miscarriage at 16 y/o
6. Survived several physically abusive relationships. My physical scars are proof of my unsuccessful attempts to find someone to loke me for ME!
7. Six sons, several fathers, a stack of paperwork on each of them that’s nearly three feet high!
8. Medicine IS my passion, NOT nursing…. Medicine. As in D.O. at the end of my name!!😊😊😁😁 Received the “official ” MCAT study guide and practice tests, as a gift from my “D” when I got accepted into the University of Michigan, in Flint’s, College of Arts and Sciences. I was to be majoring in Biology and minor in Poly-Sci (my other interest). My goal? Michigan State College of Osteopathic Medicine.🤓
9. Got bored one week before my first semester and enlisted in the United States Navy Reserve.
Ooh… This is getting looong. Please keep reading, it gets better…☺
Let’s pick up where we left off…
10. Was extremely sexually harassed by my recruiting officer, I mean, he didn’t whip out his actual penis, but the concrete mold of it, that was proudly waved in my face, was gross enough. Moments later, I was escorted into the office of Master Chief #$& (protecting innocent parties) where I was expected to maintain military-precise composure while I verbally gave my life, (and DNA), to the US Government.👨✈👩✈
11. Hooked-up w my Dr. (in his office, I was being “seen” for allergies).👨⚕
12. Spent over 1/3 of my life as an “entertainer”, of the dancing sort.💋
13. Overcame alcohol addiction by counseling MYSELF in front of my bedroom mirror. 🙎
14. Beat a drug addiction that, on average, has a 80% fail rate, without the help of intensive treatment and therapy.👍🏻
15. Acquired 3 medical certifications, all of which, were ‘un-fulfilling’ to me.
a) CNA, b) MA (CMA/RMA), c)Phleb.
…blah, blah, blah😔
16. Buried both my parents.😭
17. 3 marriages❤💔❤💔❤ 😕😕Seriously, this is definitely tiring…I’m drained.
So, now you know. I always say, “Love me or leave me”. I can’t change who I am, a HUNTER in a society so catered to satisfying every whim of the GATHERER, that MY thought process appears strange. My brain is wired to comprehend, execute, and sustain ancient civilizations. I was born to make fantastic breakthroughs! ALL of the GREAT things humans are… is because of the people who were blessed enough to be born ADHD. We are the creators of the world we live in, though we take no responsibility for the demise of modern civilization.
I am beyond brokenhearted rn. How some people can treat their own children absolutely blows my mind!💔😤😠
It’s one thing to have a split or blended family, it’s another thing, entirely, to treat them like they don’t quite fit in.😠😡🤬 But, to intentionally exclude a child from his own family vacation to
Disney World! —-and then, let him in on the “secret” weeks afterward, boasting that the Disney trip had actually been a gift to his brother for his 11th b’day!😡😡😤😤🤬🤬 💔😥
My son was tearful as he told me this. The sadness he feels is amplified in my heart 10000×!
How could his OWN (only living, biological) grandma and grandpa choose to leave our son out?😢 We have 2 sons!!! Not 1! Two!
……And their father! 🤬🤬🤬 How could he be so unfair to his son??? I appalled, crushed, and pissed!!!
I will NEVER EVER understand how a parent or grandparent can play “favorites” like that! SMDH!!
Don’t they realize the damage they are causing to the child being left out??? These kids are HURTING inside! They are NOT stupid! They SEE the difference that is made between them and the “favorite” child(ren).
They notice the amount of gifts under the tree with their name on them. They notice who, all-of-a-sudden fell terribly ill, and can’t make it to their birthday party, yet the very next day, take Mary’s child to the McDonalds play-place for lunch!
They F-ING notice!!! THEY ARE NOT STUPID!!! We, their mothers, their advocates, their shoulder to cry on; are drying our own tears as were explaining to them how YOU DO love them, YOU’RE just “busy”,..again!😠
They start to feel as if they are not good enough, that they are not smart enough, that they are not worthy of your love…. They recant, over and over, what they could have possibly done wrong. SAD! SAD! SAD!😭
They also begin to blame themselves…. they think that maybe if they’d behaved better at the store with grandma, the ONE time she took them, she would come visit more.
Let me tell you something…..
I will NOT allow this bs to continue to emotionally damage my child! I refuse to lie for you to spare my children the heartache! I will gently and lovingly explain to them what a sorry person(people) you are.💩 I will help my child to rise above the heartache and promote emotional strength within him!💪🏼👍🏼👊🏻😒💖
I will teach my children the skills they need to protect their tender, innocent, loving hearts from people like you. I will not allow you to embed your unfair, selfish acts upon my sons happy, childhood memories. I will NEVER EVER, EVER let ANYONE make my child feel unworthy or ignored!‼
NO ONE with half-ass intentions deserves, the privilege, of a role in my childrens lives. It’s YOU who’ll miss out in the long run.🖤
STEP-UP OR STEP OUT, the choice is yours.
💔 Found this! 👇🏼👇🏼😥😢😥😭😭
2, yes 2 of those children are mine and his. It may not be so obvious who’s the very “favorite” here, BUT, it is ABSOLUTELY OBVIOUS that, my precious guy, is NOT. His (full-blood)brother is lying on the back of the couch.
This pic was taken on Christmas Day in 2017. 😢😢😢(at his dads parents home)💔💔
My baby…he looks so sad, while all the other grandchildren are beaming!!! IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY! He should be elated! But,… he’s NOT! 💔😡
This picture speaks volumes about the emotional turmoil “favoritism” causes!!!
IF you hug one of them,
Hug ALL of them.
If you miss one of them,
Miss ALL of them.
If you bake cookies with one of them,
Bake with ALL of them.
If you celebrate her/his birthday,
Celebrate ALL their birthdays.
If you “treat” one of them,
“Treat” ALL of them.
If you love one of them,
Love ALL OF THEM!❤💞
PLEASE QUIT PLAYING “FAVORITES”
It is so nice to be able to focus on what I choose to, not what my mind wants to. My mind would like to be all over the place, but not today. Today I took the medicine that makes the ADD go away. Literally, for the next few hours, I get to be as ‘normal’ as any non-ADDer. That is the only reason I can write right now.
It is also so nice to actually engage in conversation with my husband. He can yap and yap and yap, and I will catch every word. Usually, I cannot focus long enough to chat, let alone, listen to my husbands looooong stories. Today is a good day for me. Enjoy yours!
Hello readers! It has definitely been a while since I’ve written. Getting my brain to focus on a post has been quite difficult lately. ADHD is to blame, it’s both a blessing and a curse!
This is not exactly ADHD related, but if you are a MOM raising only boys…. You need to read this! It was written by an admin in a fb group I belong to, exclusively for “boy moms”! I, myself, have 6 sons!
We are hard on ourselves and struggle often to raise these little male humans, obviously… Moms are not boys.
Again, this was not written by me! I just had to share! Enjoy!
What Does It Mean To Be A BOYMOM?
Everytime I read an article or social media post about what it is like to be a boymom I see a comment about how raising girls is exactly the same & just as hard as raising boys. Usually, the comment is made by a mother who doesn’t have any sons & I have to smile & shake my head because I know that she doesn’t understand. She can’t understand. She probably thinks that the term Boymom is simply a way to perpetuate gender stereotypes, a way to laugh off the boys will be boys culture, & a way to make moms with sons feel superior because they gave birth to the golden children that have penises.
This can’t be further from the truth!
Boymoms know that there are many similarities between boys & girls. Girls can make messes & eat mud pies & boys can like to paint their toe nails & sleep with baby dolls. Girls can be obsessed with dinosaurs & boys can love to bake cupcakes. I have seen the #boymom & #lifewithboys tag used for everything from pee on the bathroom floor to a picture of a toddler boy who got into his mother’s makeup & put it on his face so he could be like mommy.
Boymoms are proud of our boys & each & everyone of them is different & unique in their own special ways.
But the truth is that raising boys comes with one huge difference from raising girls. A boymom is tasked with raising a child who she will never fully be able to relate to. We try our bests to give them all of the love & support they need & our goal is to raise them to be good men, but there are many instances in their lives when we are blindly guiding them through things that we have no experience with. Things we don’t fully even understand. I frequently compare it to living in a foreign country when you don’t speak the language. This is what makes being a boymom somewhat more difficult of an experience than raising girls.
It starts when they are toddlers & begin to explore their bodies. Boymoms are left wondering just exactly why little boys become so obsessed with playing with their penis & balls. We don’t see our friends daughters sitting in church with their fingers in their vaginas, but little Timmy has to be reminded eight times to keep his hands out of his pants.
Potty training is also a different experience with boys. Females have it pretty easy. We sit, push, stuff comes out, we wipe, & we are done. Boys have to worry about things like aim, spray, & volume. This is a challenge that seems to plague even the best of them their entire lives. Boymoms actually have to teach their sons to use body parts they have never had to use themselves.
As boys get older being a boymom gets more challenging. As women we could easily teach a preteen daughter about her period & sympathize with her when she gets bad cramps. However, as women we don’t know what it is like to have surges of testosterone running through our body. We have never had to worry about our voice cracking while reading out loud in class & we don’t know what it feels like to get a random erection in front of the entire school during a talent show. Despite our inability to relate we still have to help our sons through puberty.
Than our teenage sons start to be told to ‘act like a man’. Boymoms have never had to ‘act like a man’ because we are women. There are so many conflicting messages in the world about what it means to be a ‘man’ so again we have to help guide them through something outside our realm of experience. We have to teach our sons that they are bigger & stronger than women, including their own mom, & therefore must act as protectors instead of aggressors. This is something mothers of girls will never have to worry about.
These are just a few examples. There are many experiences during adolescence & adulthood that are biologically different for males than for females.
This is why we identify as boymoms. This is why we write articles & social media posts. This is why we come together as a community to discuss our experiences. Why we lean on each other for advice. Why we assure each other that things our sons do that seem wierd to us are normal.
We can’t always reach out to our friends & family that are raising girls or who only raised girls because they don’t know how it feels. We can’t always get comfort from the men in our lives because they also don’t 100% understand what we are going through. Parenting boys isn’t as hard for them as it is for us because they know what their sons are experiencing because they were once young boys too.
So we label ourselves as boymoms & we find our squad. The other women who understand. The ones who offer support with out judgement.
So mothers of girls, when you see a mom caption her picture #boymom or a mom who has a cute shirt on that identifies her as a ‘mom of boys’ know that she uses that caption or wears that shirt because she is proud of her sons & she is proud to be a part of the community of women who are raising their boys together. Allowing her to acknowledge that her experience as a mother is different than yours in no way diminishes your own experiences. You are a bad ass mom too & raising girls can be extremely challenging as well, but it is different than raising boys & it is ok for both boymoms & mothers of girls to acknowledge those differences.
Boys & girls are equal but they are not exactly the same. #lifewithboys