I Am…

Advertisements

A Dying Breed, The Cultured

Culture. adjective

*characterized by refined taste and manners and good education.*

It’s called being “cultured” and I want nothing less for me and my children. It’s about teaching them the basics of a PROPER existence. Teach them how to be a positive and productive part of society… Be nice, kind, have RESPECT for yourself and others. Example: say “please”, ” thank you “, and ” pardon me”, eat with a fork and start with the left one, put your napkin on your lap, wear a suit AND tie to a job interview, be very respectful to our seniors and listen to them(they are wiser than YOU!! They have “been there”), take GOOD advice weather you agree or not, learn from other peoples mistakes, save your money, live simply, avoid drama and chaos, always make a good first impression, pajamas are NOT ACCEPTABLE public attire (even at Walmart!), refer to your teachers, bosses, and clergy as “ma’am” or “sir” while in conversation, have something to offer, teach someone something, offer assistance when it’s needed, do things NOT out of obligation, but do things that are MORALLY and ETHICALLY right, you ARE who you hang with so choose your circle wisely, learn something new everyday, never begin a task unless you intend on finishing it, be brave ALWAYS (that which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger), work until the job is DONE, not until you’re tired, go to bed at a decent hour, a good education is EVERYTHING and ALWAYS ALWAYS do what is expected PLUS a little bit more!

Why aren’t people teaching these values anymore? This used to be common sense.

Something To Do

2018 is almost over. Literally, three more days, or chances, to end the year on a positive note. Needless to say, this year has been emotionally straining on me. Its not that I was so busy, its not that I didn’t have time, its not that I had a better offer… It’s simply because I didn’t have purpose.

Purpose gives us something to look forward to. Purpose gives us a reason to get out of bed. Purpose gives life meaning. Just as 2+2=4, purpose+effort=REASON. Reason to get out bed each morning. Reason to put in the effort. Reason to LIVE! We all NEED and LONG for a purpose in life. Without purpose, effort is needless. Without purpose, getting out of bed takes great effort. Without purpose, life doesn’t have much meaning.

For almost a decade, my purpose in life was unclear. I have struggled and searched, tirelessly, for a reason to exist. Sure, I have children, and they give me plenty of reasons to roll out of bed each day, but…..I want MORE! I long for something, anything, to give me a real sense of fulfillment. I know that I need to set a good, no, great, example for my sons. They need to learn self-respect, honesty, and a good work ethic. Who but me, is responsible for teaching them this? …Exactly!

It all started with a trip to Kohl’s for some early Christmas shopping. While in the store, I saw several “now hiring” signs. Hmmmmm…. After a couple of online applications, and one unsuccessful interview under my belt, I was slightly discouraged. Giving up was not an option, I pressed on with a few more job applications. Early one morning, during the first week in December, I got the call that would open doors for me that I never even knew were there. The call I received that day, brought me to tears. I was hired, on the spot, by a highly recognized department store! At that moment, I realized that I had a choice to make; I either grab this opportunity by the horns and “go for it” or, I cower in fear, like I usually do, and let this position pass me by. Not today Satan, NOT this time!!!

I eagerly accepted the position and excitedly began my training the very next day! I haven’t looked back since. A divine intervention is propelling me forward, who am I to change direction? I’m feeling completely purposeful and happy. Mornings have a whole new meaning. I have many, many reasons now for getting out of bed. I’m setting a wonderful example for my sons and my life has become worth living. I understand the value of a hard days work and I pride myself on doing my very best at work and at home.

Thank you, Kohl’s, for NOT hiring me. I have found my career elsewhere; I hope Macy’s thanks you as well.

A Little Bit About The Man I Call “D”

Some genuine Flint history here!…

…I was looking for something else when I stumbled upon this!!!
I truly believe that my father played a part in building Flint, MI into the automobile mecca it became in the late 1960’s!

Not only my amazing “D”, but hundreds came to Flint looking to become a part of the growing automotive industry.
My dad started young and was determined not to, eventually, let “some 30 year old punk”, become his boss.
He got the education and training needed to acquire a position in the big city! aka: the D! Well, more like Warren, Mi…

…Regardless, he retired after about 30 yrs of service to GM, as a Senior tool and die design engineer. He even pioneered and patented the door handle assemblies that we’re used in the Buick models in the late 1980’s! (In the pic with the BIG BOSS, my D is receiving the first fruits of his labor)

He’d came from a very humble beginning in North Dakota, and, retired with a very comfortable life here in the Mitten! He and my step-mother spent their days traveling the world!

He was an avid golfer and had played the game on some of the most beautiful courses the US has to offer. He truly loved the game and he accomplished the ultimate…
A hole-in-one!🤫⛳👏🏼 126 yds with a 7 iron! (glass trophy pic)

He lived his life with an inspirational attitude. Always positive, yet logical with a no-nosense approach to everything.

Right-wing to the extreme, I NEVER EVER in my WHOLE LIFE saw him in anything but khakis and collared shirts. Business suits and a briefcase were the Monday-Friday attire.
He believed in helping those who helped themselves. He expected nothing less than a hard lesson from bad choices, and yet he never pointed a finger!

“Always do what’s expected AND a little bit more”.

He was always a presence in the room. His genuine, hard-working, character was something men today, should strive to emulate.
Chivalry lived strong in my father’s heart, as I, nor my step-mother, EVER touched ANY type of door handle! I once saw him remove his professionally tailored sport coat to shield a female strangers hair from getting mussed up from the rain on her way into a restaurant.
And on a funnier note…. my awesome dad even took the blame for a loud fart his wife let go, in the middle of a crowded group of tourists!

“Oops, excuse me, excuse me”, he quickly boasted, as not to embarrass her.

Who does that????

The American Dream WAS once alive and thriving here. My father’s life was a testament to that. GM served our family well, hate to see the dream die for others!

My D lost his battle with cancer just a few yrs ago, but to anyone who knew him, knew that regardless of his pain, if you asked him how he’s doing, his response was ALWAYS the same… “Nearly perfect”!

He passed away on his birthday in 2013. I suppose he didn’t want to keep us grieving any longer than necessary.
I feel honored to be his daughter! He was TRULY a great human being!

I WILL be a success with ADHD

This is a response, to a reply on a Reddit post about ADHD, that I wrote…
Bless your heart, you have struggled long enough. I hear you, loud and clear, when you say that you are broke financially and emotionally. I completely understand about all the “what if’s”. I’m no different than you. At this very moment, I believe my bank account holds $1.76!! I am struggling to pay for real estate classes that start next week, and I have NO CLUE where the money is going to come from! I have such BIG HOPES AND DREAMS, am I going to GIVE UP, yet AGAIN, just because I can’t come up with 300 bucks???
… HELL NO!
NOT THIS TIME!!
But, in all actuality, it’s not about the money. It’s about the mindset. If you lack determination and drive, you will struggle. Most people, like us, just don’t have the drive. I sure didn’t! And I’m not even 100% sure if I’ve got it now, but I am NOT giving myself the option of giving up.
A couple of weeks ago, I did some serious soul searching. (I do this on a daily basis, lol, don’t we all!?) The conversation in my head began the same as it always does…” I suck, my life is going NOWHERE, I’m broke, something has to change, I can’t go on, this time will be different,…” I almost couldn’t even continue the conversation…… It was the SAME thing I’d been telling myself for years and I hadn’t listened to myself before, why should I now????
Here is where it gets real. Instead of talking to myself, I decided to take a good look at myself. I briefly glanced at my unproductive past, filled with dissapointments, failures, and damaged relationships. I, then, tried to focus on my future…..What future??? I could only see MORE failures ahead. I started thinking about the PEOPLE in my life that I had let down. My children, who at this time, had/have NO real role model in their lives to emulate. How on earth can I expect a positive, healthy, successful future for them, when I’m not living a successful life?? No wonder my family has alienated me!! Eventually, everyone, even my precious children, will have no use for me! What the hell do I have to offer anyone? I am of absolutely no use to anyone, I am seroiusly just taking up space. I AM, IN FACT, A FAILURE! I frantically began searching for a way out of this mess of a life I’d made and quickly realized there wasn’t one!! I WAS, for the first time, TERRIFIED!
Only my death will fix this, so I seriously contemplated suicide. I believed that if I wasn’t around, my precious children would be forced to live with people that would, hopefully, push them to be the BEST they can be!! I want that for them, they deserve that!
My mind was made up, I’m going to kill myself. But, I didn’t feel good about this decision. I knew I needed to die, I just didn’t want my kids to cry for me. 😥😟😭😭😭
And, in that moment, in some crazy twist-of-fate, something inside me snapped!!!
I CAN’T LEAVE THEM! I WON’T LEAVE THEM!
What the fuck am I thinking?? ADHD strikes again…telling me to give up, cant do this, failure! OH, NO ADHD! NOT TODAY!!
I changed my whole pattern of thinking. My whole pattern of thinking HAD TO CHANGE!!! I realized that the things i was doing in my life, up to this point, WERE NOT WORKING!!! So, I began doing the OPPOSITE of everything!! …
Aaaaand, guess what???
It’s WORKING!

My Reality

I don’t even have the attention span to keep this blog going! LOL   Since I have so much trouble writing in this blog consistantly, I’m letting my son stand in for a featured post.

 

Salutations! My name is Chaisten and I’m kid #3 (but really I’m #1 because let’s be real). Anyway, I’m 17 years old and I just recently moved back in with my Mother. Moving back in with my Mom has shown me a lot about my own ADHD. I was just recently diagnosed because it hasn’t really been a problem for me until my recent years. When I was younger I was very high functioning and because of my intelligence I made up for my focus issues in my ability to understand and comprehend. Now being in highschool, it takes longer to be able to understand the topics and I can’t focus for long enough to do it.

Something I’ve learned that I don’t think too many people understand is how severely ADHD can affect people. “Well it’s just a focus issue it doesn’t really do too much.” Well actually it does. Not having an ability to keep focus on something spans deeper than just not focusing on a project or a conversation. It can affect serious things like your mental sanity and decision making. Making important life decisions can be devastating with severe ADHD because you can’t focus on any decision enough to fully comprehend it. It goes back to understanding concepts and ideas. To truly take in something, I feel, takes some time. With ADHD your time you have to focus is ridiculously divided so it takes ten times longer. With your focus jumping to every object in a visual radius there’s nothing you can do but go with it. You are forced to take breaks and come back, your focus won’t have it any other way. It’s kind of like your focus is out to get you. People could tell you to get back to it and remind you all they want but if your focus isn’t there you really can’t chase it down.

Relaxation. Time everyone needs at least a little bit of. Just some time to yourself so you can clear your mind and focus on your thoughts. Oh wait, we have ADHD. Finding the time to align your focus and your conscience thought process enough to actually enjoy the serenity is close to impossible. It’s part of the battle between what you want to focus on and what you are able to focus on. The relationship between your conscience thought and your focus is like a spectrum. 0 – 100. 100 being optimum level. Reaching 100 is when your focus is fully agreeing and working with your conscience thought. Hitting 0 is when you can’t focus at all. Either it’s too busy bouncing around to settle somewhere or you just can’t find it, your focus is just shit. I’d say, but I’m no doctor or anything so don’t quote me, most people stay around 85-100. With ADHD the whole spectrum is visible and we are constantly bouncing around it.

So those were both just little focus blots I thought of. I hope this helps someone understand just a little bit more about the realness of ADHD. Let me know if you liked this blog maybe I’ll write some things of my own?

Sincerely,

Chaisten

 

 

Kindness Matters

If you’re in a crappy mood, keep it to yourself. Don’t be the dark cloud  over everyones sunshine!  Attempt to shed some of your bad attitude by feeling the warmth of someone close. Quit pushing them away or away they’ll stay.  Be nice even if you don’t feel like it, kindness is contagious.   And always remember the golden rule! Treat people with kindness and warmth. Respect is earned, be fair. And, above all, never judge anyone, your opinion is not their fate! 

My Day

Hello readers!  Hope everyone is well, cause, thank goodness, I am.  I was having some bouts of extreme anxiety,  For now, the hell of it has subsided.  Plus, I have been trying to be more productive the last few days.  And even though, I’ve not gotten a lot done, I’ve accomplished some.  That makes me proud of myself, which seems to help the anxiety.  I also started using a vape pen.  I know it may not be the best thing for me but it seems to take the edge off my nerves.  Buying the JUUL was kind of an impulsive purchase but I like it.  Thanks ADHD!

I am also excited tonight as my family will be getting together with some friends we haven’t seen for a while.  A campfire, Seagram’s, and good friends! Priceless!