The Perils Of Unmotivation

Sometimes it seems that the hyperactivity of my condition turns into paralysis. There is so much to do yet so little motivation. Clothes are piled up all over the house and the dishes are sky-high, the bathrooms could use attention and even the kids seem to be disheveled. I look around at the mess and am in a strange state of paralysis, I have no idea where to start. I get up from the chair and do a quick once-through, just to make sure the mess is still there and sit back down again. I have no idea where to start; everything is in shambles and I am overwhelmed.
I hate this feeling, I just can’t muster up the motivation to clean. If I could just get started. It is one thing have my mind going in 100 different directions, but when my surroundings get the same way, I freeze. I sit stare at the mess and get more depressed by the minute. “Just get started”!, well, to an ADDer it is not that easy. Already having invisible vectors pulling me every which way, when I try to start something I get pulled away, after several minutes to several days of being pulled away, I just become exhausted and almost ‘paralyzed’. Getting anything done at this point is a miracle.
At this point I enlist the help of my husband to get me started. He helps by doing the dishes or a load of laundry, just enough so that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, then I can usually pick up from there. Thank goodness, an end to all this stress is never far away; a gift of ADD, it’s never a consistent state of mind, things are always changing. Whether it’s for the better or worse, the way we ADDers see things will always change. We just have to be able to keep up.

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ADD Doesen’t Go Away

I am motivated this morning to make this my very first blog post.  Every month I try to figure out where the insurance company gets their basis that, when you turn 18 years old, your condition just magically disappears.   I say every month because that is how often I fill the prescription I need to control my symptoms.  I am 40 years old and I spin ’round and ’round like a second grader during story-time.  A child of that age, about 7, would be taking the exact same medication that I am on.  Difference is, that his state-paid insurance wouldn’t even ask for a co-pay before filling his Ritalin or Adderall; mine, on the other hand, requires a PA or Prior Authorization, which is an official diagnosis of a disorder requiring the use of stimulant medication to treat, eg., ADHD.  And a PA isn’t an immediate clearance for the prescription fill.  It can take days for the pharmacy and the doctor to get the proper validations signed and submitted to the insurance company. Or, in my case, possibly, months!  But, when all the ducks are in a row, and the proper paperwork has reached the proper person (whomever that is), your golden ticket will be redeemed; aaah! Finally, the spinning will stop, the fog in your brain will lift, and you can finally look your husband in the eye and comprehend the blah, blah, blah, that’s been coming out of his mouth.

But, as in my case, it may take months to get my medication filled.  I took my script to the pharmacy, explained that my insurance probably wouldn’t cover the medication (Vyvanse 30mg).  Yesterday was the only day my Dr. was going to be in the office, he wouldn’t be available again until April.  “Please make sure you get the PA request to him by 5pm”.  I was assured by the pharmacy that it would be faxed within an hour.  Well, needless to say, it didn’t get faxed until late yesterday.  The PA cannot get done now until April.  So, now what do I do, the medication is almost $300 for one month, can’t afford that.  I looked up the drug manufacturer on line, Shire, sometimes they will offer discounts on their medications.  the only thing they can do for Vyvanse is a $60 off coupon. Still too expensive!

So, at this point, I am assuming that I will be out of medication for at least the next month or two.  Not a huge deal, I’ve went un-medicated before, so shall I again.  Frustrating though, that my insurance will cover any other medication except my stimulant ADD medication.  I wonder why that is? For anyone diagnosed with childhood ADHD, all scripts will be filled, no problem.  Like I said before, I’m 40 years old, spinning like a top, and living proof that ADD does not go away!