I Am…

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Depressing Diagnosis

After my dx, I pretty much became an alcoholic! I was so relieved to finally know that I had a disorder, and that I wasn’t just a complete failure at life!! But I quickly spiralled into a depression bc I realized that my ADHD was never gonna go away, that I was never gonna be a productive part of society! That I was forever gonna be just a walking collection of symptoms!! That I was never gonna get that Bachelors degree, never gonna have a real career, never gonna get a fair shot at success bc I am NOT and NEVER gonna be “normal”!
Life is better now though! I embrace my ADHD dx. I have accepted the fact that I am a hunter in a gatherers world. Learned to love myself, just as I am.❤. After all, what other choice do we have??

A Mother’s Perspective Of ADHD

I HAVE to share this with you… it is so powerful! Keep in mind, I did NOT write this! It was beautifully written by Rachael Simmon.  As a person with ADHD, I’m also the mother of 3 children with ADHD, and this couldn’t be more perfectly stated….

  I sit here alone, as I often do,   Looking through pictures, pictures of you,

I think of the good times as a family we’ve had,

But, lately, they seem far outweighed by the bad.

I know you’re unhappy and it makes my heart ache.

If wishes came true, then your place I’d take.

Your head is filled with anger.  Your heart is full of pain.

For you, I am fighting, but I’m feeling the strain.

I’m not always patient.  Sometimes I get mad.

I scream and I shout, and Lord, I feel bad.

 ‘Cause the last thing you need is more anger and hate.

Cause you’ve had plenty of that in your life to date.

No one knows of the loneliness or the tears that are shed.

They don’t care how you’re feeling, or whats going on in your head.

 They see a boy naughty, what a pain you can be.

They should try living with ADHD.

This morning “you hate me.”   I’m sure that you don’t.

“I’ll hate you forever.”  I’m sure that you won’t.

Whatever you say, and whatever you do,  the fact will remain, that I’ll always love you.

I pray for you daily.  I cry for you too.  I cry for my child to no longer be blue.

  So if there is a God, and he’s listening to me,

Please try lessening the heartache of  ADHD.

The Only One

I haven’t written for a while. I’ve actually had a lot going on in my life to blog about, I just haven’t had the motivation.  And what is my motivation now, you wonder… I wonder too. Is it my ever-present need for validation of my feelings, or is it just my need to connect with others out there, like me, who have ADHD and feel like they are THE ONLY ONE..  The Only One to have feelings of emptiness that nothing can fill, the need to escape reality by any means necessary because that’s what you were taught.  The Only One who feels that they are totally unworthy of the love that those around them give.  The Only One who feels that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all; or that ,once again, reality is just too painful too bear.  The Only One who decides what is right and what is wrong in their life.  The Only One who is left in the dark much of the time; The Only One who thinks everything is okay amidst a world of chaos.  And The Only One who feels these feelings is me; because here, in my world, I AM THE ONLY ONE.

Kindness Matters

If you’re in a crappy mood, keep it to yourself. Don’t be the dark cloud  over everyones sunshine!  Attempt to shed some of your bad attitude by feeling the warmth of someone close. Quit pushing them away or away they’ll stay.  Be nice even if you don’t feel like it, kindness is contagious.   And always remember the golden rule! Treat people with kindness and warmth. Respect is earned, be fair. And, above all, never judge anyone, your opinion is not their fate! 

Hello Readers, I’m Still Here 

…even though I’m inconsistent as hell, I still seem get something down in this blog every now and then. A few new developments have arose since the last time I wrote; first of all, I’m seeking a new diagnosis. I truly believe there is more to me than meets the eye. My ADHD is a constant struggle, but I have other issues I haven’t dealt with in a healthy manner. Secondly, my third eldest son (he just turned 17) had been diagnosed with ADHD. That makes 2 of my 6 sons, so far,  to be “just like mommy”. Much to their fathers’ dispair, I’m  sure. Lol

All in all,  things are peachy! 

Love to all… 

BPD And Me? 

I have been doing a lot of self evaluating lately resulting from another huge mistake made by me. Mistakes are common in the life of an ADDer, but the risky behaviors I display are not. Oh, don’t get me wrong, my diagnosis of ADHD is accurate, bit I truly believe there is something more.

Due to my traumatic childhood and my inability to communicate my feelings accurately, I think I may be struggling with BPD.  I will be seeking a professional dx next week.

Thanks for reading, God bless!

Could My Adult ADD Really Be EFD?

So, I’ve just ran across a new disorder that I was unaware of.  It is called Executive Function Disorder (EFD).  Am I swimming in a bowl of alphabet soup? ADD, ADHD, EFD,  ect…?  I began to read about this and realized that it sounds a lot ADHD, without the ‘H’; that is important because nowhere in the description of EFD does it mention hyperactiveness, restlessness, or fidgity-ness.  The title of the article “Is It ADD or EFD?” , was too intriguing for me not to read.

Executive function is the part of your brain located in the frontal cortex that acts kinda like a company CEO.  It’s job is to analyze, organize, decide, and execute.  This key process seems to develop during puberty.  When everything is working well, it makes writing reports, work projects and meeting deadlines or due dates very attainable; but when the executive function is disordered, these things will not get done in a timely manner, if at all.  Normal executive function works something like this:

A.  Analyze task

B.  Plan how to address task

C.  Organize steps needed to complete task

D.  Develop a timeline to complete task

E.  Adjust steps needed for task completion

F.  Complete in a timely manner

Some symptoms associated with EFD are, misplaced school or work reports, books, important files.  Cannot keep track of personal items.  Cannot keep bedroom, house, or office organized.

I hope this has post has given you some insight into another one of these disorders that seem to plague us brilliant, fascinating folks.  You can find more info at ADDitudemag.com