I Am…

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Depressing Diagnosis

After my dx, I pretty much became an alcoholic! I was so relieved to finally know that I had a disorder, and that I wasn’t just a complete failure at life!! But I quickly spiralled into a depression bc I realized that my ADHD was never gonna go away, that I was never gonna be a productive part of society! That I was forever gonna be just a walking collection of symptoms!! That I was never gonna get that Bachelors degree, never gonna have a real career, never gonna get a fair shot at success bc I am NOT and NEVER gonna be “normal”!
Life is better now though! I embrace my ADHD dx. I have accepted the fact that I am a hunter in a gatherers world. Learned to love myself, just as I am.❤. After all, what other choice do we have??

WOW! What A Wait!

If you go to a psychiatrist with true ADHD symptoms, a diagnosis should come within minutes.  It should only take a professional mere moments to distinguish ADHD behaviors from those just being lazy or drug seeking.  I’ve heard, in some places, it takes MONTHS for a diagnosis!  WHAT!!! MONTHS!!!  That’s crazy! What the hell kind of ADHD assessment takes months?  If you are struggling and awaiting a diagnosis, I am truly sorry for your situation.  I was diagnosed in minutes and on meds the SAME DAY!!  truly life changing.

My Consistent Inconsistencies

The one thing I can say that I truly hate about my ADD is my total inability to be consistent.  I start off like a firecracker then fizzle out just as fast.  With everything! I can’t stand it!  I’ll be so productive for a few days or so then, PFFFTTT! I’m done, not interested anymore, on to something else.  The one thing that I really am trying to be is consistent with this blog and my writing.  Tough stuff.  Especially when you really just don’t have it in you to write.  Usually, though, if I start typing, I’ll get on a roll, and before I know it, I’ve cranked out a post. Kinda like this one.  Thank you for putting up with my mundane babblings, readers, cause you never know when a stroke of brilliance will emerge.  Um, not today.  God Bless & Much Love

A Mother’s Perspective Of ADHD

I HAVE to share this with you… it is so powerful! Keep in mind, I did NOT write this! It was beautifully written by Rachael Simmon.  As a person with ADHD, I’m also the mother of 3 children with ADHD, and this couldn’t be more perfectly stated….

  I sit here alone, as I often do,   Looking through pictures, pictures of you,

I think of the good times as a family we’ve had,

But, lately, they seem far outweighed by the bad.

I know you’re unhappy and it makes my heart ache.

If wishes came true, then your place I’d take.

Your head is filled with anger.  Your heart is full of pain.

For you, I am fighting, but I’m feeling the strain.

I’m not always patient.  Sometimes I get mad.

I scream and I shout, and Lord, I feel bad.

 ‘Cause the last thing you need is more anger and hate.

Cause you’ve had plenty of that in your life to date.

No one knows of the loneliness or the tears that are shed.

They don’t care how you’re feeling, or whats going on in your head.

 They see a boy naughty, what a pain you can be.

They should try living with ADHD.

This morning “you hate me.”   I’m sure that you don’t.

“I’ll hate you forever.”  I’m sure that you won’t.

Whatever you say, and whatever you do,  the fact will remain, that I’ll always love you.

I pray for you daily.  I cry for you too.  I cry for my child to no longer be blue.

  So if there is a God, and he’s listening to me,

Please try lessening the heartache of  ADHD.

July 10, 2018

Hey Readers!  I’m back!  I’m sorry it has been so long since I’ve written.  A lot has happened in my little world since my last post.  And a lot is going on currently.  I’ve finally maxed out on my dose of ADHD medicine, and it still isn’t lasting long enough.  Time to move on to something different.  And with everything going on, I really could use more focus!

I’ve been very pleased to see that my adult ADD (ADHD) Facebook page is growing at a steady rate.  It’s getting the word out there about mental illness and adult ADHD, in particular.  You can visit my page by clicking the link…  MyAdultADDPage

Those of us with these ‘invisible’ issues tend to be the most isolated.  We think that we are all alone and no one understands what we’re going through.  Just because we don’t look sick, we’re treated as such.  That’s just not fair.     “It’s all in your head”, they say. “Why can’t you just snap out of it”, they ask. “Get your shit together”, they scold.    That’s like demanding that a paraplegic get up from his wheelchair and miraculously walk!  It’s just NOT gonna happen.  Mental illness is a combination of biological and psychological factors.  Chemical imbalances and non-existent neuro pathways cause chaos in the brain.  Chaos that some folks live with on a day to day basis because they go undiagnosed.  Diagnosis is key.  Awareness is everything.  Medication and therapy can help.

Sorry, for a moment there I thought I was writing on my page. lol  Forgot where I was.  See, right there, perfect example…  ADHD at it’s finest, forgot where I was on the internet!  I’m done. lol

He Will Succeed With ADD/ADHD

Newly diagnosed, yet, full of promise. I vow to not fail my child with ADD, as I was so obviously failed myself. We’ve attained the diagnosis and are armed with the medicine to help manage his distractibility. It doesn’t end there though, children with ADD/ADHD have often built up a negative self image.  And, by the time they are diagnosed, self esteem problems are already there. I have to make sure my child knows he’s not damaged or dumb, he has to know that his brain is just wired differently.  I have to challenge myself to be the best example I can be. As a mom with ADD, I have to make my boy proud, I have to set a perfect example of a successful life with ADHD.

MY God,  did I say that? A successful life with ADHD ? Is that even possible? I’m 43 and far from a success. How will I ever do this? I could use some good references.

Wish me the best of luck as I lovingly try to raise a successful ADDer!

The Only One

I haven’t written for a while. I’ve actually had a lot going on in my life to blog about, I just haven’t had the motivation.  And what is my motivation now, you wonder… I wonder too. Is it my ever-present need for validation of my feelings, or is it just my need to connect with others out there, like me, who have ADHD and feel like they are THE ONLY ONE..  The Only One to have feelings of emptiness that nothing can fill, the need to escape reality by any means necessary because that’s what you were taught.  The Only One who feels that they are totally unworthy of the love that those around them give.  The Only One who feels that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all; or that ,once again, reality is just too painful too bear.  The Only One who decides what is right and what is wrong in their life.  The Only One who is left in the dark much of the time; The Only One who thinks everything is okay amidst a world of chaos.  And The Only One who feels these feelings is me; because here, in my world, I AM THE ONLY ONE.

Thanks To You

I am truly grateful to all of you who take the time to visit my blog. I thank you so very much for your likes and comments. My motivation to write comes from the slight chance that I may get a new reader; to share some insight with others struggling, so we know we’re not alone with our adult ADD.  Love to you all! Xoxo

Impending Doom: What Anxiety Feels Like To Me

It starts with a thought, a small worry, a slight gesture or change in mood or emotion.  It all begins innocently enough.  Then, the small fluttering in my stomach starts to happen.  The slight shakiness starts way down deep in my core, then radiates out to the tips of my fingers.  As the grave thoughts and feelings get more unavoidable, the fluttering in my stomach turns into a feeling of strong vibration.  Unlike nausea, this feeling is unwavering.  The shaking is getting worse and the sweating begins.  My pupils are now dilated as I am completely, physically, terrified.  The emotions  that accompany these intense physical symptoms are terrifying in themselves.  Every irrational fear is amplified as thoughts of dying are now consuming me.  I must be dying, I feel so out-of-control, detached, alone, AFRAID!  If I’m not dying, I must, because these feelings are now too much to bear!  I have ENORMOUS amounts of empathy for anyone who suffers from anxiety attacks.  They are HELL.