I Am…

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A Dying Breed, The Cultured

Culture. adjective

*characterized by refined taste and manners and good education.*

It’s called being “cultured” and I want nothing less for me and my children. It’s about teaching them the basics of a PROPER existence. Teach them how to be a positive and productive part of society… Be nice, kind, have RESPECT for yourself and others. Example: say “please”, ” thank you “, and ” pardon me”, eat with a fork and start with the left one, put your napkin on your lap, wear a suit AND tie to a job interview, be very respectful to our seniors and listen to them(they are wiser than YOU!! They have “been there”), take GOOD advice weather you agree or not, learn from other peoples mistakes, save your money, live simply, avoid drama and chaos, always make a good first impression, pajamas are NOT ACCEPTABLE public attire (even at Walmart!), refer to your teachers, bosses, and clergy as “ma’am” or “sir” while in conversation, have something to offer, teach someone something, offer assistance when it’s needed, do things NOT out of obligation, but do things that are MORALLY and ETHICALLY right, you ARE who you hang with so choose your circle wisely, learn something new everyday, never begin a task unless you intend on finishing it, be brave ALWAYS (that which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger), work until the job is DONE, not until you’re tired, go to bed at a decent hour, a good education is EVERYTHING and ALWAYS ALWAYS do what is expected PLUS a little bit more!

Why aren’t people teaching these values anymore? This used to be common sense.

Something To Do

2018 is almost over. Literally, three more days, or chances, to end the year on a positive note. Needless to say, this year has been emotionally straining on me. Its not that I was so busy, its not that I didn’t have time, its not that I had a better offer… It’s simply because I didn’t have purpose.

Purpose gives us something to look forward to. Purpose gives us a reason to get out of bed. Purpose gives life meaning. Just as 2+2=4, purpose+effort=REASON. Reason to get out bed each morning. Reason to put in the effort. Reason to LIVE! We all NEED and LONG for a purpose in life. Without purpose, effort is needless. Without purpose, getting out of bed takes great effort. Without purpose, life doesn’t have much meaning.

For almost a decade, my purpose in life was unclear. I have struggled and searched, tirelessly, for a reason to exist. Sure, I have children, and they give me plenty of reasons to roll out of bed each day, but…..I want MORE! I long for something, anything, to give me a real sense of fulfillment. I know that I need to set a good, no, great, example for my sons. They need to learn self-respect, honesty, and a good work ethic. Who but me, is responsible for teaching them this? …Exactly!

It all started with a trip to Kohl’s for some early Christmas shopping. While in the store, I saw several “now hiring” signs. Hmmmmm…. After a couple of online applications, and one unsuccessful interview under my belt, I was slightly discouraged. Giving up was not an option, I pressed on with a few more job applications. Early one morning, during the first week in December, I got the call that would open doors for me that I never even knew were there. The call I received that day, brought me to tears. I was hired, on the spot, by a highly recognized department store! At that moment, I realized that I had a choice to make; I either grab this opportunity by the horns and “go for it” or, I cower in fear, like I usually do, and let this position pass me by. Not today Satan, NOT this time!!!

I eagerly accepted the position and excitedly began my training the very next day! I haven’t looked back since. A divine intervention is propelling me forward, who am I to change direction? I’m feeling completely purposeful and happy. Mornings have a whole new meaning. I have many, many reasons now for getting out of bed. I’m setting a wonderful example for my sons and my life has become worth living. I understand the value of a hard days work and I pride myself on doing my very best at work and at home.

Thank you, Kohl’s, for NOT hiring me. I have found my career elsewhere; I hope Macy’s thanks you as well.

Medicine Is Good, At Times

It is so nice to be able to focus on what I choose to, not what my mind wants to. My mind would like to be all over the place, but not today. Today I took the medicine that makes the ADD go away. Literally, for the next few hours, I get to be as ‘normal’ as any non-ADDer. That is the only reason I can write right now.

It is also so nice to actually engage in conversation with my husband. He can yap and yap and yap, and I will catch every word. Usually, I cannot focus long enough to chat, let alone, listen to my husbands looooong stories. Today is a good day for me. Enjoy yours!

To All Moms Of Boys

Hello readers! It has definitely been a while since I’ve written. Getting my brain to focus on a post has been quite difficult lately. ADHD is to blame, it’s both a blessing and a curse!

This is not exactly ADHD related, but if you are a MOM raising only boys…. You need to read this! It was written by an admin in a fb group I belong to, exclusively for “boy moms”! I, myself, have 6 sons!

We are hard on ourselves and struggle often to raise these little male humans, obviously… Moms are not boys.

Again, this was not written by me! I just had to share! Enjoy!

What Does It Mean To Be A BOYMOM?

Everytime I read an article or social media post about what it is like to be a boymom I see a comment about how raising girls is exactly the same & just as hard as raising boys. Usually, the comment is made by a mother who doesn’t have any sons & I have to smile & shake my head because I know that she doesn’t understand. She can’t understand. She probably thinks that the term Boymom is simply a way to perpetuate gender stereotypes, a way to laugh off the boys will be boys culture, & a way to make moms with sons feel superior because they gave birth to the golden children that have penises.

This can’t be further from the truth!

Boymoms know that there are many similarities between boys & girls. Girls can make messes & eat mud pies & boys can like to paint their toe nails & sleep with baby dolls. Girls can be obsessed with dinosaurs & boys can love to bake cupcakes. I have seen the #boymom & #lifewithboys tag used for everything from pee on the bathroom floor to a picture of a toddler boy who got into his mother’s makeup & put it on his face so he could be like mommy.

Boymoms are proud of our boys & each & everyone of them is different & unique in their own special ways.

But the truth is that raising boys comes with one huge difference from raising girls. A boymom is tasked with raising a child who she will never fully be able to relate to. We try our bests to give them all of the love & support they need & our goal is to raise them to be good men, but there are many instances in their lives when we are blindly guiding them through things that we have no experience with. Things we don’t fully even understand. I frequently compare it to living in a foreign country when you don’t speak the language. This is what makes being a boymom somewhat more difficult of an experience than raising girls.

It starts when they are toddlers & begin to explore their bodies. Boymoms are left wondering just exactly why little boys become so obsessed with playing with their penis & balls. We don’t see our friends daughters sitting in church with their fingers in their vaginas, but little Timmy has to be reminded eight times to keep his hands out of his pants.

Potty training is also a different experience with boys. Females have it pretty easy. We sit, push, stuff comes out, we wipe, & we are done. Boys have to worry about things like aim, spray, & volume. This is a challenge that seems to plague even the best of them their entire lives. Boymoms actually have to teach their sons to use body parts they have never had to use themselves.

As boys get older being a boymom gets more challenging. As women we could easily teach a preteen daughter about her period & sympathize with her when she gets bad cramps. However, as women we don’t know what it is like to have surges of testosterone running through our body. We have never had to worry about our voice cracking while reading out loud in class & we don’t know what it feels like to get a random erection in front of the entire school during a talent show. Despite our inability to relate we still have to help our sons through puberty.

Than our teenage sons start to be told to ‘act like a man’. Boymoms have never had to ‘act like a man’ because we are women. There are so many conflicting messages in the world about what it means to be a ‘man’ so again we have to help guide them through something outside our realm of experience. We have to teach our sons that they are bigger & stronger than women, including their own mom, & therefore must act as protectors instead of aggressors. This is something mothers of girls will never have to worry about.

These are just a few examples. There are many experiences during adolescence & adulthood that are biologically different for males than for females.

This is why we identify as boymoms. This is why we write articles & social media posts. This is why we come together as a community to discuss our experiences. Why we lean on each other for advice. Why we assure each other that things our sons do that seem wierd to us are normal.

We can’t always reach out to our friends & family that are raising girls or who only raised girls because they don’t know how it feels. We can’t always get comfort from the men in our lives because they also don’t 100% understand what we are going through. Parenting boys isn’t as hard for them as it is for us because they know what their sons are experiencing because they were once young boys too.

So we label ourselves as boymoms & we find our squad. The other women who understand. The ones who offer support with out judgement.

So mothers of girls, when you see a mom caption her picture #boymom or a mom who has a cute shirt on that identifies her as a ‘mom of boys’ know that she uses that caption or wears that shirt because she is proud of her sons & she is proud to be a part of the community of women who are raising their boys together. Allowing her to acknowledge that her experience as a mother is different than yours in no way diminishes your own experiences. You are a bad ass mom too & raising girls can be extremely challenging as well, but it is different than raising boys & it is ok for both boymoms & mothers of girls to acknowledge those differences.

Boys & girls are equal but they are not exactly the same. #lifewithboys

I’d like to introduce myself… — Everywhere But Here…

Hi! My name is Kari Taber. This is the first blog I’ve ever written. My life has been such that I’ve heard ‘you should write a book’ more times than I can count. Hmmmm…. A book, no; a blog, yes! So, here they are , my issues, all typed up and ready for you […]

via I’d like to introduce myself… — Everywhere But Here…

Depressing Diagnosis

After my dx, I pretty much became an alcoholic! I was so relieved to finally know that I had a disorder, and that I wasn’t just a complete failure at life!! But I quickly spiralled into a depression bc I realized that my ADHD was never gonna go away, that I was never gonna be a productive part of society! That I was forever gonna be just a walking collection of symptoms!! That I was never gonna get that Bachelors degree, never gonna have a real career, never gonna get a fair shot at success bc I am NOT and NEVER gonna be “normal”!
Life is better now though! I embrace my ADHD dx. I have accepted the fact that I am a hunter in a gatherers world. Learned to love myself, just as I am.❤. After all, what other choice do we have??

WOW! What A Wait!

If you go to a psychiatrist with true ADHD symptoms, a diagnosis should come within minutes.  It should only take a professional mere moments to distinguish ADHD behaviors from those just being lazy or drug seeking.  I’ve heard, in some places, it takes MONTHS for a diagnosis!  WHAT!!! MONTHS!!!  That’s crazy! What the hell kind of ADHD assessment takes months?  If you are struggling and awaiting a diagnosis, I am truly sorry for your situation.  I was diagnosed in minutes and on meds the SAME DAY!!  truly life changing.

My Consistent Inconsistencies

The one thing I can say that I truly hate about my ADD is my total inability to be consistent.  I start off like a firecracker then fizzle out just as fast.  With everything! I can’t stand it!  I’ll be so productive for a few days or so then, PFFFTTT! I’m done, not interested anymore, on to something else.  The one thing that I really am trying to be is consistent with this blog and my writing.  Tough stuff.  Especially when you really just don’t have it in you to write.  Usually, though, if I start typing, I’ll get on a roll, and before I know it, I’ve cranked out a post. Kinda like this one.  Thank you for putting up with my mundane babblings, readers, cause you never know when a stroke of brilliance will emerge.  Um, not today.  God Bless & Much Love

A Mother’s Perspective Of ADHD

I HAVE to share this with you… it is so powerful! Keep in mind, I did NOT write this! It was beautifully written by Rachael Simmon.  As a person with ADHD, I’m also the mother of 3 children with ADHD, and this couldn’t be more perfectly stated….

  I sit here alone, as I often do,   Looking through pictures, pictures of you,

I think of the good times as a family we’ve had,

But, lately, they seem far outweighed by the bad.

I know you’re unhappy and it makes my heart ache.

If wishes came true, then your place I’d take.

Your head is filled with anger.  Your heart is full of pain.

For you, I am fighting, but I’m feeling the strain.

I’m not always patient.  Sometimes I get mad.

I scream and I shout, and Lord, I feel bad.

 ‘Cause the last thing you need is more anger and hate.

Cause you’ve had plenty of that in your life to date.

No one knows of the loneliness or the tears that are shed.

They don’t care how you’re feeling, or whats going on in your head.

 They see a boy naughty, what a pain you can be.

They should try living with ADHD.

This morning “you hate me.”   I’m sure that you don’t.

“I’ll hate you forever.”  I’m sure that you won’t.

Whatever you say, and whatever you do,  the fact will remain, that I’ll always love you.

I pray for you daily.  I cry for you too.  I cry for my child to no longer be blue.

  So if there is a God, and he’s listening to me,

Please try lessening the heartache of  ADHD.