It starts with a thought, a small worry, a slight gesture or change in mood or emotion. It all begins innocently enough. Then, the small fluttering in my stomach starts to happen. The slight shakiness starts way down deep in my core, then radiates out to the tips of my fingers. As the grave thoughts and feelings get more unavoidable, the fluttering in my stomach turns into a feeling of strong vibration. Unlike nausea, this feeling is unwavering. The shaking is getting worse and the sweating begins. My pupils are now dilated as I am completely, physically, terrified. The emotions that accompany these intense physical symptoms are terrifying in themselves. Every irrational fear is amplified as thoughts of dying are now consuming me. I must be dying, I feel so out-of-control, detached, alone, AFRAID! If I’m not dying, I must, because these feelings are now too much to bear! I have ENORMOUS amounts of empathy for anyone who suffers from anxiety attacks. They are HELL.
Hello Readers! I haven’t written in a long time so I thought I would pop in and update you on my exceedingly boring life. LOL It seems these days something seems so be going on with all of my kids. First of all, my oldest son is getting married this year in November. We are so excited!!! The only downfall is the distance; we’re about 1600 miles apart. Thank God for Skype! Then, my other son is having an issue getting motivated in the morning. But, being ADD like me, I can kind of understand his issue, he doesn’t sleep well, therefore, he doesn’t get up well. Now, my three youngest sons birthdays are all within weeks of each other, Jan. 16, Jan. 29, and Feb. 4th! Right after Christmas, no less. Well, I suppose that’s kind of my fault. So, I actually do have a lot going on and it is good for me, these kind of things stimulate my ADHD brain.
Sometimes the obvious isn’t so easy to accept. The fact that I am a walking disorder is a tough pill to swallow. But, as the years have passed, I’ve learned to embrace my ADHD. And all the fun little irritating perks that come along with it. I guess I just wanted to say, love yourself! Love all of your shortcomings and, especially, love all of your gifts and talents. You are unique, but also part of a glorious tribe of tender souls. We are so special! We are so loved!