There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. -Maya Angelou
Irrational fears cause anxiety hell for me! My greatest fear, I’m even afraid to mention… What if I speak it into existence? What if it truly kills me? The anxiety this causes is almost unbearable some days. Thank God for benzodiazepines! And we’ll just leave that right there; moving on,
I get scared if I’m too forgetful during the day! What if I have early-onset dementia?! I get scared if my children are out of my sight for even a second! What if they’ve been kidnapped?! I freak out if I find too much hair on my comb! What if I have alopecia?! I could go on and on…
And having ADHD makes it worse because my mind is always racing in different directions already, so I suffer several fears. Irrationally.
And the physical symptoms of fear driven anxiety are nothing short of terrifying. You literally feel as though you’re dying or going crazy or both. I have a big heart for ADHDers who suffer with this. I know what it’s like! I was once hospitalized for an anxiety attack. Not fun at all!!
You are not alone…
I’m learning as I get older that it is important to learn from life experiences. Not just going through the motions, but actually taking something away from trials and tribulations. Learning as I go.
I’ve been going back and forth with my ADHD medications, and I have finally settled into what works. I believe I have tried every ADHD drug out there and some work better than others. But, what works best for me is Vyvanse. I need the long-acting focus. I feel for anyone trying to get their medications regulated. It is a long, month to month process. Thank goodness I have found what works for me. Good luck to anyone trying to find their focus.
Well, I’m trying to stick to this writing thing, even if it is only a short post. I am struggling for words these days. It is like I have so much to say, but my story is exhausting to tell. Having ADD makes it even worse because I cannot focus on one thing to write about. I’m feeling very confused lately, the relationships in my life seem to be on a downward spiral. Through, no fault of my own, I might add. Yet, I am compelled to fix them. I need people in my life, we all do. It just seems that it is so hard for me to keep these relationships healthy and alive. Without trying, I feel that I drive people away. That would explain why I really don’t have any friends. Just another issue in the life of an innatentive type ADDer. Happy 4th of July!