My Add Impulsiveness

As I sit here desperately trying to get something written down, I am thinking about my ADD and how it has impacted my life.  I feel like I’ve accomplished a whole lot of nothing.  Before I go on though, I do want to say that my 6 sons have been my biggest and BEST accomplishment!

I know cause I’ve read it and because I live it, that one of the most dangerous things is a bored ADDer with uncontrollable vectors, pulling in all sorts of unhealthy directions.  I was diagnosed at 27 years old and by then I had made quite the mess of my life, now at 42 and medicated, I’m still cleaning up my “messes”;  and, if you can believe it, making more.  I’ve come to realize that my life, along with every other woman with ADD, is a work in progress.  We have to make mistakes to learn from them, but damn, why does everything feel like some sort of lesson that I’m doomed never to learn.  Let’s see; I have 6 boys, (kept trying for a girl), I’m on my 3rd husband, I’ve never held a real job for more than a few weeks, I quit high school 2 weeks before graduation.  And… I joined the Navy Reserves for a short time, I ran for a political position in my township…and won!  I worked on and off for several years in a loud, flashy-light nightclub;  I’ve attempted college more times than I can count, I have 3 medical certifications because I kept changing my mind about what I wanted to do.  I’ve been an addict, an alcoholic BUT also a survivor. If my life doesen’t scream ADHD, I don’t know what would.

Whew! Most of my secrets in one paragraph. All, in all, an ADDer is who I am, and most of the time I do not like myself.  But I am working on that.  Forgiving myself for all of my bad choices is a constant vigil. I bear scars from self-loathing.  Thank you for reading.


5 thoughts on “My Add Impulsiveness

  1. I can relate. Learning from old mistakes only to make new ones (often similar). Then we beat ourselves up. Why can’t I learn? Its like being on a tv show. The plot changes but the characters behaviors and themes always stay the same.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can very much relate! I never realized just how much ADHD affected my overall life. I wasn’t medicated till I was about 22 and it saved me. But I agree the only
    Way to cope with it is to coexist with it lovingly. To understand it’s just who we are and we have to embrace and refine the skills and blessings it can bring us! Love your writing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s