Am I constantly misunderstood or is it those around me. When I was a child my mother used to always tell me that I “should be ashamed of yourself”. I’ve since learned that if you shame a child they will grow up with a guilt complex. I eat, sleep, and breathe this problem; even now at 40 years old I still feel like everything I do is wrong. From the simple act of putting on makeup, to making a quick trip to the store, somehow I’ve done something wrong (least that’s what I’m told). I just cower as I get screamed at for what I have no real idea. I am a grown woman who is treated like a child on a daily basis. I know that with ADD comes an inferiority complex, that is a hard thing to deal with. I feel younger and more immature than any of my peers. I hate this disorder, I can’t help but be verbally and emotionally abused. Why does everything seem okay to me then I get a bombshell dropped on me that I’ve caused everything. I’m sorry this post wasn’t supposed to go this way. Thanks for reading…
I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who takes the time to read my blog posts. And a big “thank you” to all the folks who feel I’m deserving of a follow. This blog is more difficult for me to write than you may think. I want to keep readers interested, entertained and informed; not always easy for me. Anyways, thank you! Please read and share, and I welcome feedback good or bad.
And on to Part 2. If you remember my post a month ago or so, I was dumbfounded by the fact that my doctor was no longer going to give me my ADD meds unless I was going to work or school. My condition has me on disability so work or school aren’t necessarily the best option. Update: I have found a new doctor who will keep me on my medication for as long as I feel it helps. It always helps!
So, I’ve just ran across a new disorder that I was unaware of. It is called Executive Function Disorder (EFD). Am I swimming in a bowl of alphabet soup? ADD, ADHD, EFD, ect…? I began to read about this and realized that it sounds a lot ADHD, without the ‘H’; that is important because nowhere in the description of EFD does it mention hyperactiveness, restlessness, or fidgity-ness. The title of the article “Is It ADD or EFD?” , was too intriguing for me not to read.
Executive function is the part of your brain located in the frontal cortex that acts kinda like a company CEO. It’s job is to analyze, organize, decide, and execute. This key process seems to develop during puberty. When everything is working well, it makes writing reports, work projects and meeting deadlines or due dates very attainable; but when the executive function is disordered, these things will not get done in a timely manner, if at all. Normal executive function works something like this:
A. Analyze task
B. Plan how to address task
C. Organize steps needed to complete task
D. Develop a timeline to complete task
E. Adjust steps needed for task completion
F. Complete in a timely manner
Some symptoms associated with EFD are, misplaced school or work reports, books, important files. Cannot keep track of personal items. Cannot keep bedroom, house, or office organized.
I hope this has post has given you some insight into another one of these disorders that seem to plague us brilliant, fascinating folks. You can find more info at ADDitudemag.com
Sometimes it seems that the hyperactivity of my condition turns into paralysis. There is so much to do yet so little motivation. Clothes are piled up all over the house and the dishes are sky-high, the bathrooms could use attention and even the kids seem to be disheveled. I look around at the mess and am in a strange state of paralysis, I have no idea where to start. I get up from the chair and do a quick once-through, just to make sure the mess is still there and sit back down again. I have no idea where to start; everything is in shambles and I am overwhelmed.
I hate this feeling, I just can’t muster up the motivation to clean. If I could just get started. It is one thing have my mind going in 100 different directions, but when my surroundings get the same way, I freeze. I sit stare at the mess and get more depressed by the minute. “Just get started”!, well, to an ADDer it is not that easy. Already having invisible vectors pulling me every which way, when I try to start something I get pulled away, after several minutes to several days of being pulled away, I just become exhausted and almost ‘paralyzed’. Getting anything done at this point is a miracle.
At this point I enlist the help of my husband to get me started. He helps by doing the dishes or a load of laundry, just enough so that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, then I can usually pick up from there. Thank goodness, an end to all this stress is never far away; a gift of ADD, it’s never a consistent state of mind, things are always changing. Whether it’s for the better or worse, the way we ADDers see things will always change. We just have to be able to keep up.